i HATE my life

It seems like the older i get, the more no one likes me, or want to be around me. I’m always alone and have no one to talk to. But i know it’s my fault

It started when i was like in grade 3 when i was just to afraid to speak to anyone. I would feel like no one wanted to listen to me or i might sound stupid. Then as i got older it gets worse.

When i went to grade 8 it was sad. Because so many people reached out to me saying they wanted to talk to me. They saw i was alone and had no friends. But i blew it. I don’t know what to say to people because i might sound stupid. And im afraid that if i decide to choose out of my shell and be myself, no one will want to talk to me anymore. Then its gets worse. People really do start to not like you. And i can’t blame them.

I have taken counseling and i blew that too. I told her that i just dont know how conversations go. But what i should have said was that i just don’t like myself and i’m not good enough for people to be interested in talking to me. But i didn’t tell her because i might sound stupid.

Lets face it i don’t know why i struggle with talking to people. Or maybe i do and just don’t wanna deal with it. The only reason I’m even on this site because i feel like since i can’t  to people (including my family) people wont even know that i’m here. And there is no reason why i should