I am not doing so well, my mother is dying and I am having a hard time dealing with it. She has been my life for a very long time and I made sure she was fine each and every day. She is 78 and now has heart problems and pneumonia which are making it hard for her to fight off the infection. I have been depressed for some time now and have been weighing ways to kill myself. I had finally decided on sleeping pills but after reading so many horror stories about people who take 30 or so pills and they don’t die- would be horrible for me. If I take them, I must die. I just recently remembered that a friend gave me some morphine tablets that his mother used when she had cancer before her death. I have about 25 or so of them. Instead of the sleeping pills, I could take the morphine tablets which I think will work better. The hardest part is catching the bus, if I can get over the hump and take the pills, I will then be home free. It is just taking that jump to catch the bus and afraid it will not work. I have to die if I do it – I would hate to live and be messed up and then can’t kill myself.
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I’m really sorry to read about your mum and that that the depression is sinking deeper into you. Although we won’t discuss methods etc. I cant stress enough that IMHO the pill overdoses thing is ‘highly overrated’. I know I havent a clue what you are going through and I dont pretend for a moment that I should have any impact on your decisions. (Lets face it thats why am here too lol). But maybe theres a chance that things can improve? Is the depression linked to the pressures of responsibility? Is there any way you can talk to others or does venting here help at all? Applogies for the noseyness or if you find my questions pushy.
I concur with the above comment regarding pills as a means – most attempts in this manner fail – usually from the body automatically expelling (vomiting), particularly after you lose consciousness, the undissolved medication thus leaving you very much alive.
But more importantly and more concerning – as harsh as it may sound, your mom will pass away – that’s a fact of life – but do you really want her last days spent on this earth tormented and wracked with guilt and pain over your attempt at death (or actual death)? It least give your mom the respect and peace of mind that you’re “going to live a long happy life” … then afterwards, if it’s too much to bear, you can always revisit this course of action.
There is no worse pain to a parent than having to bury their child. Please rethink this – for your mom’s sake.
parental dawg