i love her and she’s like a mom to me. BUT she disagrees on my stance of wanting to die. She knows what I been though. I finally broke and asked her if she could by me that Max Dog ******** cylinder with an exit bag IF a year has passed and I still want to die and I try extra hard to better myself, do more therapy, eat better and continue losing weight, get my licens, and even admit myself into a psyche ward for a couple weeks 6 months from now.
She was shocked but said she don’t know. Sounds like she may even consider it but can’t think about it right now. I told her later that day that I just want an easy out. Explained all the points to her that I told you all on SP. she called me delusional. I told her I was grounded in reality. She said “Charles Manson thinks he’s grounded in reality too”. Than I had to go on the offensive. I said
im not the one seeing rainbows and thinking its a sign from your mom, I’m not the one who believe in some magical sky God.
I went on to say that I didn’t chose to be born. She said “you don’t know that”. Since she’s a spiritualist, she believes that we chose to be born. I said that people make up gods as a coping mechanism to deal with life, it’s magical thinking.
i explained that some people are born gay, transgender, and even people who where born not feeling like there legs belong to them, and once there removed, they are happy. The last thing is odd to me and I don’t understand it but I can empathize with anyone who’s born with a condition like that.
I went on to explain that I’m the same as them, but instead I want to die and just because the majority doesn’t want to die, just as the majority are not gay, doesn’t mean they should take away our rights (not gay but I am suicidal) to our self determination. My beliefs are solidified and rooted in reality. Everyone has there own universe within them and there own wants and mine should be validated just as everyone else’s.
i asked her a set up question – what will be the con of using a suicide method that is not painful, makes you eutrophic for 15 seconds than makes you pass out and go to sleep forever? She said – you will die. I told her, to me that is not a con but a blessing. We are all gonna die anyway, I’d rather go the peaceful way instead of some heart attack or stroke later in life.
She thinks I damaged my own brain with my negative thoughts. Ugh.
7 comments
you are an intelligent man, windows8user… you are a really good thinker.
Thank you my friend
She’s going to refute everything you say in any way possible, and you do know why. When people love us the last thing that they want to do is harm us, or do things that they think can harms us. Sure, she knows what you’ve gone through and what you think about life, and she might even partially agree with you, but when all is said and done sentimentality will overcome any rational thought. I do wish it was easier for people to understand and accept what we are going through, but it’s such a longshot that i’m not even sure if it’s worth trying in the end (other than to prepare them for it in case it does happen).
I do think that asking her about that maxdog thing might have been a mistake tho, and i might be absolutely wrong about this and it’s just a deduction based on similar patterns i’ve seen on my family, so take it with a grain of salt. If you say “i might be willing to try if you do X thing for me” then people will assume (even at a subconscious level) that if you are willing, it’s because YOU CAN. If somehow she figured you can, that in turns translates to “it might be a matter of time”, so “i can’t be bothered about it know” might just be that: he might snap out of it so i better not provide the tools before that happens.
Sorry for the long ass post, but it just reminded me way too much of some conversations i had with a family member regarding my condition (when i still had them).
Brilliantly said. I agree.
Yeah,what he said
Do you really need this Max Dog ********? There’s plenty of suppliers of commercial-use ********…. ?
I’m glad you’re thinking this over for a year. Lots can happen in that amount of time. Btw, exit bags are not available anywhere and I doubt FE will sell ******** with all the legal problems they’re in.. seriously.