I’m an atheist but sometimes I have to wonder, there must be a reason for all this shit I’ve/we’ve been put through, surely the universe and life isn’t all just a chance event and yet that’s what makes most sense, certainly compared to what any religion has to offer.
Conceived in a moment of lust, never asked to be born, don’t ask to be alive now, yet here I am, living and breathing, for what bloody reason. The people in this world create and destroy in equal measure, all the good there is, there seems to be an equal amount of evil to balance it all out, it’s mad. Do I really need to be here, do I really need to experience all this shit, and if I say no I want out then I’m considered mad and if I try and do something about it then I’m deranged and need locking up.
I struggle to find energy, I struggle to get myself to get out of bed each day, I struggle to see what the point is. I want to shout out about how I feel but, in the real world, I’d be considered insane. Thank goodness for SP and like minded individuals.
5 comments
We have to learn to enjoy every single moment of life, it doesn’t matter if that moment is good or bad. Even through pain we can appreciate life, because pain makes us better persons. 🙂 Your words remind me how i use to be… Anyway i wish that you will find the strength to go on! (^_^)
I feel just the same as you. Must all be for something. For years I been wondering if spirits and shit are real and if we go on to another universe after we die. Like if we don’t then why is there all this proof of It? Obviously a lot people fake but I used to live in a house how to say used to go bump in the night? Shit used to move by itself now last time I checked normaly crap didn’t do that! Explain that one to me? More you think into it the more it drives you mad. then you worry and think we’ll if I kill myself will I go to hell? Now I’m not even Christian catholic what ever. Suppose I try have a more Buddhist look on life and accept anyone and anyone’s religion as long as their good kind people. But you think Even if I been a good person all my life like surly if there was a god he wouldn’t be so cruel I mean we just had so much shit on earth are you joking me? I really struggle to understand like but then I have the nieve idea sometimes we’re just a speck of dust in a much bigger universe.
I’ve had my fill as well. I doubt that I’ll get behind though I try…. besides what is better anyhow? I am a survivor of abuse growing up…. semi-severe isolation wrought with emotional abuse and neglect. … It has definitely not made me stronger but rather wearied and weak. I too ask similar questions as you. Believe me, you’re not alone.
Ya it’s pretty fucked up how they lock up people for simply making the rational and reasonable decision to end a bad life. It seems these mofos never once experienced pain, suffering, misery, loss or depression.
If you live in such a restrictive environment then do not disclose to those around you about your desire to commit suicide, since they’ll simple have you locked up for being a ‘danger to yourself.’ I’ve taken some psych classes and it’s a little surprising to see what you read about actually happens to people.
To your more philosophical questions, I’m an atheist as well and there is no purpose-I used to look for it, even though I knew rationality the notion of an ‘innate purpose’ in life disappeared the day I gave up religion (since that’s where that thinking stems from).
The stark reality is as you described-two people “got together” and that’s why we’re here. No magic, no mystery, no grand design, no purpose. Two stupid idiots (at least in my parents case) put me here-on top of that, they used to act like they did me some great favor-but I put them in their place with that line of crap.
That’s the sad reality-and I’m not trying to disparage anyone but if our lives turned out well, we wouldn’t be here to complain about it. It’s not so much being alive but how we were living that brought us here.
A thousand times I must’ve thought about how easily it would be for me to end my life, esp. with inert gas-an idea I’ve been more comfortable and secure in. How in just a matter of 10-15 minutes I could be gone forever. My leaving would be a devastating loss for a few people I leave behind but then everyone living today will eventually die sooner or later.
Still I feel as if I’m missing out on something if I do end my life. I’m clinging to the idea that things will improve for-if I put in the effort. That I might make a dramatic change and life will be great again for me. I’m also worried about those I leave behind and I worry if my attempt fails and I end up worse off. Those are the major reasons I’m still around-but some days I feel closer to making that decision to go.
Now I really a lot of different stories here-though I don’t comment often and it seems some people are way more desperate than I am to end their life, their situations appear to be far worse. I just don’t understand why they hesitate. There are some safe, reliable and fairly painless ways to go…I don’t know why they continue to persist in a terrible life.
There were a couple of moments in my life where I reached that point but I didn’t know of any good way to go-now I do, so if life really goes to shit for me with no way out, then I’m pulling the plug. The only bit of hesitation is being sure that my method will reliably work, otherwise I’d be ready in that moment to leave this planet for good.
Excuse my terrible grammar, it’s 2am and I didn’t bother to edit.