Im back home and instantly i regret not downing half a month’s of sereoquel for the drive back home. Hell even if it didnt kill me im sure it would help satiate the voices that keep bothering me about harmful ideation.
My psych doc wants to increase it but i told him it would hinder me driving, honestly if he was so quick to want to i shouldve just let him. I feel like im doomed for the med life to feel comfortably numb and not unexpectedly lash out due to the wierd messages my brain thinks its receiving. Which is safe for everyone but i already feel pretty dead inside what would be the real difference between that and being a pile of ashes?
To me if you cant be just okay when things are both good and bad you cant function in this world. Its not entirely anyone or thing, specific at fault. But i feel like those of us who do have trouble and dont want to be burdens or plagued with what seems like forever nightmares should have that choice. A choice to stay or die with some diginity in the safety and care of hospitals. This bs abouy caring enough to save others is just that. Its only for profit, only to feel better about yourself and so on. If you really cared you’d respect some people truly dont want to be living anymore and leave it at that.
But so much for the world changing. Women are still fighting for the right to get abortions in some places so theres not that much expectations.
2 comments
I’ve been a sympathizer of the right to die campaign for a long time. However, I think it would be preferable if society endorsed life and actually promoted the well-being of all its citizens. This would entail providing the basic necessities, releasing the immediate pressure to contribute, and getting all the spiritual sages, gurus, and elders to deal with these calamities promptly and in a mind-expanding fashion. Unfortunately, we intimately sense society’s hypocrisy when saying they cherish human life and yet do nothing to radically overhaul this western slave economy. We know that there are people out there who are just keeping us alive for the sole purpose of profiting off of our pain and suffering.
There is hope though. Keep fighting for a better world every day and maybe someday we can turn this ship back towards smoother seas. There is a lot to say about gratifying your ego by helping other people out. It is a wonderful point to come to when you feel as though you’ve exhausted all your own entertainment options and would benefit greatly by vicariously living through others’ relief of suffering or entertainment. Regardless, the work gets done in the end, and that old line of just helping people out for your own sake is really a cop-out for justifying doing nothing. Get off your butt soldier; I swear the world needs you. Every random act of kindness helps. Do what you can and no more. It is a grand feeling at the end of the day if you can honestly say that you’ve done everything you can to help make the world a more hospitable place to live.
Whether we like it or not, we are in a game of conscious evolution. No worries about lashing out; the mind is a fickle thing, and it’s a mighty high order to tame this unpredictable beast. I still find myself being harassed by thoughts of envy at the good prospects people have, even though I logically wouldn’t want to have any of it. This and my tolerance level for irritating people in real life are things I need to work on.
Comfortably numb eh? Do you your hands feel like two balloons? Just a little pinprick, there’ll be no more, ah! I do believe it’s working, good. That’ll keep you going through the show. Come on it’s time to go. My friend says his dad saw the Floyd in concert and the guitarist had an epic guitar solo on top of the wall. They had all the stage lights beam in on him, and it felt as if time had slowed down. The crowd and him were taken away by a magical moment in rock history. It was surreal!
Yes, it would be really nice if everyone of us did something to improve the world. Unfortunately, only suicidal people truly know what suffering is. Most people don’t care that they live in a slave economy and they are slaves to make others rich and happy while the masses suffer.