No matter how long ago something happened, it always find a way to cross your mind days, weeks, months or even years after it was passed.
Its been 6 and a half years since I was taken away from my mother, when my whole family and home life came crashing down on me. Today something managed to spark those memories without a second thought, and only now do I realise how much that impacted me. How different my life would be if it hadn’t crashed and burned all those years ago. I don’t believe my family realise how much that effected me and to this day never question that when its brought up. I’ll probably reveal the whole story of my past some day, I just need to come to terms with it myself.
I could’ve had a happy life, with friends that liked me, with family that didn’t leave like a house in a hurricane. A happy life. That’s is all I long for. That is what I Could’ve had. And then reality hits me. I never would of had a happy life. Things would pan out the same no matter the background story. I would lose friends, those i care about would die, family would leave me and people would hate me either way. I would be the unhappy person in the situation and there’s nothing I could do to change that. I hate myself. I hate my life. I just wish I could start again in another’s body, another’s life, and carry on from there. Maybe that can happen, but Ill only ever know if I get out of this body. If I get out of this life.
4 comments
treygo47@yahoo.com feel free to message me.
Playing the “what if?” game will achieve nothing more than driving you mad. You can’t know that when you die, you’ll get a chance to start over, some people believe in heaven, hell, nothing, reincarnation, but we have no idea, sure people have near death experiences and say they see x and y and z, but was it real? And everybody has problems even if you could start over you have no guarantee things would be better.
We don’t have the ability to start over, but we have the option to try again. I never thought I would get to the point where I could even see a future, but here I am living for it.
I disagree with you. The past is just the past, things happens sure some of theme are sad, some really sad and some are happy, good things. They have a major impact in our future, but the fact that they remain in the past is undeniable. You can sit all day thinking what went wrong and feel bad about it or you can move on thinking for your present and why not for the future.
But hey that’s just an opinion tho, and holly evolution, who the hell am i to tell people that they are wrong. I dont know what you’ve been through but i hope that you will find the strength to go on, i mean that, honestly!
It’s easy to believe that life has passed you by. Your past can seem littered with bad choices and squandered opportunities. Now it feels like the end game, the downward stretch toward an utterly failed life. With your face pressed up against the glass, you see a parade of happy people doing happy things.
I like the inspiring wisdom found in this old Chinese proverb:
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”