The other day I found myself staring at the ocean.. Waves coming in and breaking over my feet and then going back out again. This process was constant.. never ending. I found myself thinking about the vastness of the ocean and how i could easily get lost out there. There was something so majestic and beautiful about the feeling of the water crashing around my ankles and the feeling of the coarse rocky sand moving beneath my feet. I could taste the salt in the air and I could feel the humidity sticking to my skin.
And yet, in these simply beautiful, picture, perfect moment, I found my mind wandering to the thought of drowning. I was thinking to myself about how wonderful it would be to lay down and give up. How it would be so amazing to be under one of those crashing waves and never come back up, not even try, just let go completely.
I thought about how I would finally be free of this life if I could just let go and sink down into great emptiness.
I wanted to die in one of the most beautiful moments of my life.. and I still do.. with every waking second, I want to stop breathing. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, it hurts to live. This depression, this life, is agony.
I don’t want to be here…
I want to be in the Great Unknown struggling for my last breath.
~Someone like you.
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2 comments
I would try to give you advice and try telling you why you shouldn’t do it, but it would be too hypocritical. Wishing you well wherever your journey takes you.
I’m always amazed by how incredibly beautiful nature is, but if you ever decide to drown you’ll probably face a lot of pain in your last moments. I almost drowned in a river when I was a child, and it was one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life (though very poetic and “spiritual” because I saw the white light that people always talk about).