I don’t have anything. I am failing out of college, I am unhappy with my job, I am out of money, I don’t have very many friends, the love of my life/best friend just ruthlessly walked out of my life. I guess that is my biggest issue. I had been in serious relationships in the past, but nothing quite as emotionally invigorating at this one. We met about a year ago, last October, both working at a local grocery store to put ourselves through college. Around the time of the new year, it was evident that a connection was forming. We would grab dinner several times a week after lunch, we would text until we would fall asleep and again in the morning. There were times that we were unable to talk for a few days, and we survived (as a working relationship should) and upon being reunited, we would be relieved. But again, the time apart wasn’t sapping our vitality or anything. She comes from a religious background, whereas I do not. We both made a promise together that we wouldn’t allow our lack of cohesive beliefs to create a rift between us. Near the end of summer, say September or so, she came to me and said that it is becoming an issue. She told me she wants to work through it together, but that she could no longer say that it is without a doubt in her mind a nonissue. We began to see each other less and less. We talked less and less. Time we were able to spend together seemed to still hold the magic. We would still laugh together, we were still intimate, still had the same sense of humor and all that good stuff. These moments were just so few and far between, as in June, the grocery store had closed. We were now only able to see each other when we both had the time, which seemed to be maybe once a week. Which was fine, it created a strain, but it was fine. Her birthday was on the 11th of October, and she left the state for the day with her family. I was bummed, as I had told her in the days leading up to her birthday that I was looking forward to taking her out. I wasn’t mad or anything that she was with her family for the day, she had earned it and I’m glad she got to spend that time with them. A few days later, she came over late at night so I could give her the gift I bought for her. I asked if she was okay, and she broke the news. She told me that she doesn’t feel the same about me anymore. That her love for me is changing and she doesn’t know why, and that if she could prevent it, she would. This is a woman that just a week or two prior, had told me she wants children in the future with me. That she wants a house in the future together. That I’m the guy she wants to share her life with. Literally, just a week or two before. My birthday was a week later, the 18th. I got a text wishing me a happy birthday from her, and that was about it. The next day, she called and we had a talk. I explained that I would like to have the chance to rekindle what may have been lost, and that I felt our relationship deserved this chance. We had some lighthearted moments over the phone, reminiscing of the past together. It was nice. It put me in a much better mood than I had been in. I was still heart broken, but at least I was in a better mood. This morning, I go on facebook, and see she has entered a relationship. Supposedly, they have been dating since the 12th, according to relationship, so a day or two before she had ended things with me. I messaged her and asked her about it, and she assured me it was her friends just doing it, and that she wasn’t lying or cheating on me. She then proclaimed she would delete her facebook because it has done nothing but cause issues. I told my only close friend, and she looked her up and found she still has facebook, she just blocked me to give me the illusion that she had deleted it. I don’t know where I went wrong. I was the guy that would bring her flowers seemingly every week to her work, I would call her at 2 AM if she couldn’t sleep, I would always pay for dinner, even if I was broke as a joke. I reminded her daily that she is beautiful and that I am grateful to have her in my life. Now, there is just a huge empty void, where someone that used to help me through my trials and tribulations used to be. I will most likely drop out of college after this semester and leave town, which I’m sure will disappoint my family. It will definitely disappoint myself. I don’t know where else to turn or what to do. My back is up against a wall and I feel like I have nowhere to turn. I am lost. Thoughts of ending it all have been lingering. I have even written my parents a letter saying goodbye. I know for a fact there is no one else I’d rather be with, as silly as that may sound due to how bizarre the events over the last week have been. I would do anything for her. But right now, I am absolutely miserable.
2 comments
It is so painful when a relationship ends. I understand that you are in love with her and feel that there is no point in going on. All I can do is beg you to be strong. This might be the worst you have ever felt in your life but I swear to you that you will feel better eventually. You will be happy again someday. Please don’t throw away your education or your life. It is a sad story. It will always be a sad story but someday that is all it will be. A sad story you tell your own teenage son or daughter. Please try and push yourself to rise above the terrible feelings and carry on.
You sound like a great boyfriend, really. It’s sad to hear about your breakup and I hope things will work out for you very soon.
About the college: think and choose wisely, that’s all I want to say about it. Be honest to yourself about what would be best for you (and that will also make you want to stay alive) Good luck