It’s like a horrible nightmare I can never seem to wake up from. It haunts me, and just when I think its gone, it comes creeping back. I run, and run, but it always catches me. No distance or time is long enough. It’s become a part of me. A cluster fuck of emotions I can’t even being to sort through. It’s almost cruel the way my mind works. It keeps me up at all hours and taunts me till I’m banging my head against the walls, or better yet, till I have that scissors, knife, or razor blade pressed sharply against my skin. I can never get away from this sadness and in reality I don’t even know if I want to because its become so comfortable, and thats the sad part.
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I have found comfort in my suffering too and uncertainty in happiness and death because what is next is such a mistery to me and i am terrified of all the things I feel but cannot see.
I can’t even remember the last time I was genuinely happy that when I get a glimpse of it, it send shivers down my spine and makes me so uncomfortable because I know at any second that can all be taken away. I think for me thats the scary part. What goes up must come down! Right?