Im quite , i hear them talking & laughing wishing i was able to do the same , but i cant im afraid . They talk louder i try to quite down the voices in my head so i can listen i hear them talking about a video they watched of this girl that attempted suicide & they were dying in laughter saying shes stupid and why would she do that its all for attention but honestly its not . Thats been said to me & all i could do is stay quite because noone listens to me anyway , if it was for attention i would isolated myself , i wouldnt stay quite i wouldnt tell you to leave me alone , i wouldnt want to cut myself , i wouldnt have these thoughts bouncing back & forth & i wouldnt cry & pray to god to take me away from the pain . & yes i ask god to take me because when i do attempt its like something is holding my back a force upon me & i cant firgure it out ! Noone knows your struggle and noone knows what you grow threw and its so hard to think that noone wants to leave you out & its so hard to believe the i love yous . I still dont know what ive done to deserve this . & that whole this is god testing your strength , if thats true , where is he now when i really need him ? Its sucks to have this pain steaming through my blood , i cant stand this anymore . GO AWAY PLEASE
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2 comments
You haven’t done anything to deserve what you’re going through. Thoughts and feelings don’t pick and choose. Nobody is immune from experiencing personal hell. In your last post, you mentioned some of the challenges with your family (them worrying about you isolating while, at the same time, negating what you were saying). Is there anybody that you can speak with? Isolation is an enemy. Regardless of what others say or think, your situation is genuine. Nobody can tell you otherwise.
I’m sorry you have to hear comments like that. People say some really stupid things about suicide sometimes. It’s awful that people say those things to your face. They don’t understand your situation or how much pain you’re in, so try not to take it personally.
You haven’t done anything to deserve this. I think this is one of those times when you do need to ask for attention. Trying to survive this is certainly a test of a strength, but you’ll be able to get past it faster with proper support and the tools to start feeling better. Family and friends should support you, but even when they try to be supportive they don’t necessarily know what you should do to feel better. It could be helpful to speak to a counsellor or doctor, therapist, psychologist, etc. It might help to talk to other people who have come out of the other side of this. You shouldn’t have to struggle alone or indefinitely. No one should have to go through that.