the date has passed
The date I set to die
Reallized I wasn’t ready
Hadn’t gotten my things in order
My room wasn’t cleaned
My suicide notes not perfected
And now I’m sitting here
Wondering if I should do it at all
Should I really give up on life?
Only I can answer that
I don’t want to continue on like this
And I’m too afraid to change
Scared I’ll end up back here like every other time
Scared that they’re right
I can’t do it
I’m too scared to make a move either way
Too scared to change
To scared to end it
I’m lost
I don’t know what to do
I keep waiting for an answer to present itself
But I know the answer needs to come from me
But I’m not ready
I refuse to be ready to make the step
The step towards death
Or the step towards life
So I sit here
in denial
and wait
wait for what?
i don’t know
but that’s all I can do
is wait
6 comments
You are feeling like that because you don’t want to die (and I don’t either).
But how is it possible to live like this? How can we end this pain without killing ourselves?
I don’t know. I just know it fucking hurts too much.
I think the worst part for me is, I can’t find a reason for the pain. To others my life seems fine. No traumatic things, or shitty situations. But everyday I wake up and wish I was dead. Everyday I want to cry. And I don’t know why.
I feel this way too Melody. It sucks that life is like this, no place to turn, no place to hide.
I too hate that I cannot give a good reason why I feel the way I do, and I’m sure it contributes to my guilt that I do, but I’m glad that I found someone like me on here.
do you think we can get through it?
Honestly? I don’t know. For me, there are moments where I feel as though I can finally start completing the list of things I need to do to make my life better, but then something stops me, and I’m back in the same place. I know I must stop being passive, and do something to make my circumstances different, but my ambivalence is too strong right now. I suppose sooner or later, it will eventually reach a point where something has to be done one way or another, but right now, I think I’ll be on the fence for a while longer.
I hope we can get through it though. It’s a pretty crummy place to exist in, though I suppose it does give us a chance to meet some people we otherwise might have never spoken to.
I am hoping you never get your note perfect so you never leave us.