Step one of five has been completed. My death date is January 9th. The same date as my birthday. My first step was to leave school. Well technically I got kicked out/academic probation but I didn’t tell anyone that. As far as everyone knows (including my family) I’m transferring to another school. I couldn’t tell anyone that I’m getting kicked out. I’m not blaming anybody for everything I did wrong and why i didn’t do well. I just don’t know what happened. I was doing so well with school and making straight A’s for the first 2 years. And I don’t even want to blame it on the rape or depression because I feel like that’s an excuse? Even though it could be it I’m just mad at myself. I just feel like my life is kind of over at this point? What else am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? There’s no reason why I should keep living at this point. I failed at everything. I just want to do some last minute things and leave.
So step one of five is over. My next step is to give all my stuff away or to goodwill. I already started. I just cannot wait until January 9th.
2 comments
If I could suggest that you don’t give away all of your stuff just in case you change your mind. Just leave notes on stuff on where you’d like it to go. I’ll grant you however that I can understand the need to give away things.
I do think, based on your post, that it isn’t necessarily hopeless for you. Your mention rape which in itself is no doubt difficult to deal with. Just remember the death is permanent so just be absolutely sure it is what you want. Reach out to someone first, let them know that you’re struggling. It’s okay. In the end however should you proceed on the 9th, I wish you the best.
Its never to late to finsh school even if u need some time off sry u got kicked out there r other options like other school programs and seeing someone about how u feel and talking is good to do