High school, a dangerous place for meet mortal teenagers who doesn’t have the looks or requirements to fit in high school. I know the feeling. My story is a little different. It’s not that typical nerdy girl is alone and all of a sudden she gets friends and moves on. No. That only happens in fantasies. I’ll start from the beginning. All through primary school I had friends. Lots of them, in fact. Some how in the 5th grade, I had a best friend at that time who always got mad at me for not doing what she did, obviously for the sake of friendship, I did everything she asked and in the end, I got hurt since I was just a mere slave for her. From the 9-11th grade, I met another girl, she was merciless but for some reason I seem to look past at the negative side of people and admire their good characteristics. Of course, like any best friend, I showed my affection towards her, helped her, adviced her, yet she never did those things for me for some reason. Back then, I didn’t care if she did because all I thought was about giving hope that one day, her and her boyfriend (my best friend ever since I was a child) would alsoshow it back, yet, they never did and now, I’m having an argument with her because apparently I’ve changed in a way that she says i’m turned selfish, doing this that and all that other bullshit when really, I was finally doing what I wanted to do, but, apparently, she didn’t like that I started to say the word “NO”. And now she’s ignoring me and so is my so called “friends”, they all listen to her without giving me a chance to state my side of the story. I didn’t want to be some sort of dog who bows down upon a master who’s too busy to even care about their slaves. Not that I want to be one, but you get my point. The people I loved told me, “ignore them”, “prove you can get through this without them”. Another problem is, almost every one of my ‘actual’ friends are either not in my school, or in another country.
I do good things I get hurt, I do bad things, I get hurt. Life isn’t going to sugarcoat my problem. I guess it’s teaching me to become stronger. Who knows? But now, I’m gonna be all alone in school with no “friends”. Just a book and a quiet surrounding to escape reality to a more happy fantasy.
What could I do? it’s gonna be such a hard time having to go to school, looking around with people ignoring me and just being alone in a corner. what’s worse is that I’m apologizing to her for something that I shouldn’t even be sorry for, but for the sake of not ruining a friendship that I just have to endure for a year, I just did as so. But why the fuck is she still ignoring me, like I’m some sort of criminal who commited such a serious crime when the reason is just about something so immature? I need advice on what I should do, and maybe, hopefully, get through this shitty phase of high school.
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Hello Unicorncat,
This sounds like a very hurtful situation. I’m sorry to hear you are experiencing this. It’s far from fair. You asked for some advice so I’ll throw in my thoughts. I hope you find some comfort and courage to face the future ahead.
Chances are your friend is ignoring you, and generally acting the way she is, out of fear and emberassment. It’s easier for people to avoid, ignore and blame than to have an honest conversation. It sounds like your friends was really out of line. If she were to talk about what happened with you – she’d have to take responsibility for the way she treated you. She’d have to apologize and admit wrong doing. Although we all treat people badly from time to time, most of us never apologize for it or take responsibility for hurt feelings. Often friendships are thrown away rather than facing that awkward moment. Your friend is not talking to you because she is weak. It’s not that she doesn’t feel bad and it’s not that she doesn’t care. She probably misses you very much. In fact, her immature response to all this pretty much guarantees that she’s hurting too. She just can’t back pedal while maintaining a sense of pride. She herself may be terrified of confrontation. Her weakness brings her to discard a good thing rather than repair it. Do not let her weakness transfer on to you. these are not your traits, here you are seeking outside help on how to fix it. Clearly you are the mature one in this situation.
Her lack of coping and communication skills leave you in a very tough spot. The choice is now all yours. There’s actually a lot of power in that. Now that you have seen some of her coping short comings, are you wanting and willing to keep her as a friend? How much are you willing and able to endure? This probably won’t be the last time she responds like this. Are you ready to navigate through her shit again? Choices you need to make.
If you want to keep her as a friend you are going to have to be very courageous and disarm her aggression. I’d recommend catching her in the hallway or outside of school. She needs to be alone – this is really important. You don’t want her performing in front of other people. You need honesty and she needs a safe place to respond honestly. Alone alone alone. Simply approach her and say, “I’m very sorry for what happened between us. If I hurt you please know that I never meant to. I miss you and if there’s any way to make this friendship work, I’d really like that. Please take some time to think about it and let me know if you’d like to still be friends.” Then you just walk away and leave the ball in her court. You’d be amazed what an honest approach like that can do. You’re not attacking her in any way yet you are making space for her pain as well as yours. You are laying ground work for a solution.
At this point your friend will either be a friend or not. This way, you’ll know for sure that you did everything possible to save and improve the friendship.
I hope this helps a bit. I wish you the very best