My friend that was visiting left yesterday. Now I’m alone and I don’t know how to adjust. I feel like my ex-fiance is supposed to be here, with me- I miss our life. It feels unreal. It feels empty. I used to have someone I could share everything with. Now I’m just alone; there’s nobody to care about me like she did/does, to be there to comfort me every time I cry, to share even the mundane parts of life.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt such painful sadness despite being depressed for a decade and other painful events. Of course, maybe that’s just proximity bias. But I’ve never felt like someone knew me so well, who loved me as much, who felt so permanent as she does. Being alone after having experienced that is unbearable. I want to feel like that again, but I’m scared I won’t. I feel too tired to rebuild my life yet again. I don’t know how I’ll make friends, let alone meet someone I love as much as her.