I’m a really shitty person. I don’t feel like I’m salvagable at this point. There isn’t a future version of me that should be able to be happy. Some people really should just die, and I feel like I’m one of them.
I don’t want to die. But it feels right, to a part of me. By continuing to live, I’m resisting the recognition of who I really am, and what should happen to me. I’m making the world worse, just by continuing to be in it.
The thought of a world without me in it is appealing, even though I wouldn’t be around to enjoy it. To not be this compromised, contaminated thing, trailing my self-inflicted misery behind me. To submit to my guilt, and stop living this lie. To conform to the emotional truth.
2 comments
thehusk,
you have every right to spread your sunshine like the rest of us. you belong here like everyone else.
Not much sunshine in me I’m afraid. Gets blocked out by all the crap. I belong in the ground.