but i will be forced to anyway, because i simply don’t have the means to end it in a way that won’t fail spectacularly.
here’s the truth; i’m ugly, and i’m going to die alone. nobody’s ever going to love me the way i need to be loved. i tried loving myself but i just couldn’t. i can’t make peace with something i hate so much.
i look in the mirror and i see a monster, not a 19-year-old girl. i’m so grotesque.
so i figure, if i’m going to die alone and unloved anyway, why not make it happen sooner rather than endure the pain and loneliness of being ugly and unwanted for another 50+ years??
i can’t take this anymore.
7 comments
spvnalittlelie , i think there are 2 kinds of people , those who see just what they want to see and have a positive attitude and shit like that , and we , the kind of people whom see just our failures and can relate to each others pain and suffering … i think this is our curse , to be trapped inside our fears and failures but the fact that you had the courage to let your emotions out already makes you a great person you know ? you may see a monster but some people may see a good person and don’t try to predict the future and give up , you never know … And most important … a person that has been through suffering can never be a bad person , because we are the only persons who know how it’s like … I would like to hear more of your story , if you don’t mind sharing with me .
I’ve felt like this all day
Imo no one can be grotesque. We are taught/told as we grow up what appearances are good and bad. And that’s someone else’s opinion. Its a shame school doesn’t ever teach us to see what we see looking back. I highly doubt you’re ugly, perhaps lacking in confidence, but not ugly.
Then again, the polar opposite would be a huge ego…and look where that got me!
oh believe me, i’m very grotesque… over 100 lbs. obese. i starve myself to lose weight but i will be left with loose skin and no money for surgeries… i’ll always be ugly.
100lb is no way obese – i don’t know your height, but you seem worryingly underweight.
no, i mean that i’m 100 lbs. *over* the obese line. I *weigh* 300 lbs.
If I may ask (and of course you don’t have to answer if you’d rather not) but do you lose weight because you want to or because you feel obliged/forced to? As far as the internet is concerned right now you’re 6′ 6″ with muscle 😀
Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude by making light of things…