Tonight is the night. I told myself I’d wait a month… if I still desired closure by then, I’ll know I waited things out till I couldn’t anymore. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of getting lost in my suicidal thoughts and wishing one day they’d come true.
I’m finally letting go. I’ll finally be at peace. I’ll finally get to sleep through the night.
It’s quite empowering having what is needed floating around in my backpack, just waiting for the day it’s finally used.
I’ll give it till tonight to confirm my decision. I don’t know why I felt like posting here. Guess I just wanted someone to say goodbye to.
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I was gonna do it tonight as well and then I posted here and… now I don’t know.
I don’t know what to say. I guess “don’t do it”. You probably came here, because subconsciously, you want to know: do I matter? Is this how it goes? If I leave, will you care? I imagine those are the questions.
All I can say is I can relate. I don’t feel like I have a hell of a lot holding me back right now.
Hugs
All of those questions cross my mind all the time. Today at work, my coworker came up to me and told me I should quit because no one likes me here. She kept drilling how worthless I am to the point someone had to yell at her and told her to go home. It hit me harder than I thought. My friends don’t care about seeing me, I just buried one of my good friends yesterday, I don’t see my family because they’re psychotic and rude… I have no one to reach out to and ask for help… because i feel like I’d just be seen as attention seeking.
I don’t want attention. I just want to be okay.
Lol what a skank.
You know, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. I suck at it myself. I’d rather be totally indirect and that someone “discover” me. But that rarely happens. No, some of the most successful people I’ve met were also the best at asking very directly for help when they needed it. I guess it’s an underrated skill.
That coworker is a total inhuman and a terrorist. She/he had no right nor reason to do what it did.
Sorry about your friend’s death.
Hope you are still with us
Part of me wishes I could speak out but part of me doesn’t want anyone to know my struggle. It’s easier to suffer through it by myself than know that someone is worried about me. Ya’know, stay in the shadows long enough and one day you’ll become one.
You see that’s why you were guided here to share your feelings, because no one knows you, you can say whatever you want and no one will judge you because everybody here knows your pain and struggles and best of all I think the ones that stick around as part of this group are really compassionate and loving, where else can you get that from.
Love and support and understanding from complete strangers.
So stick around, you may just find the comfort you seek here.
Yeah, I’ve noticed that… there are some good people left in this world. I just wish my life would be filled with them instead of the rotten selfish take-anything-from-everyone people I find myself with. I am too much of an empath. I do more than I should for practically anyone, solely because I know I can make their life easier. I’m worn out. I’m tired and used up. I don’t know how to keep forcing myself to stick around to be used even more. I honestly can’t. It has destroyed me and I can’t seem to stop.
If it is in your nature to give and be there for people and do things for people like it is with me you have to really be careful who you do that with because it will drain the life right out of you if it is someone that uses you or doesn’t reciprocate any appreciation.
I had shitloads of so called friends in my life until I realised they just needed me for their own selfish reasons and I ended them all. This was 4 years ago and I haven’t had any friends since.
So don’t stop doing what you are doing, just find the right people to do it with and you will feel so different.
Go and volunteer at an old peoples facility.
There are so many lonely people there and sometimes they just need someone to talk to but you will see the appreciation and joy they give back to you or go visit some sick kids in hospital, or an animal shelter, animals give back so much. There are lots of options where you can use your sensitive compassionate heart and feel rewarded and good for it, not used and abused.
Give it some thought and try it out.
I’m a mentally disabled caregiver. I spend all day at work taking care of autistic adults and elderly. I’m already at my max with “giving back”. I’ve been in the field for years. I’m not sure what else I can do to satisfy my desire to help.
Oh really wow, you really are giving a lot.
It might be too much then. Too many people at once.
I imagine that would be quite challenging and stressful at times.
Maybe a solution would be to try a much easier role of caregiver.
Perhaps you could get a private one on one caregiving position and it could be of your choosing who you help then.
Knowing that now, makes it sound like you just need to lighten your load a bit.
If it is leaving you exhausted by the end of each day, then its too much.
Goodbye
I’m sorry people are treating you like this..