I’m so tired its unreal my eyes burn all day iv had this weird thought on my mind
most of us right now are in pretty dark places right ? Most of us would rather not be around right ? We want all our problems to be fixed to some degree which brang us to this dark place or to be fixed in some way or the other BUT what happens IF we some how get to a point were we want to actually live life EITHER way we are running out of time we could spend our whole life searching for happiness and not find it and could die sad and alone 20 year from now Im sad and alone now so what’s the difference between dying today or tomorrow
2 comments
As dark as it is, this is a good question I can relate to lately.
I’m generally someone who likes using humor to lighten the path, but, as you mentioned, I’m in a dark place right now, where the humor isn’t exactly shining through like usual.
As for the question of “why not just go ahead and die now instead of waiting”, my brain is giving me two different answers.
1. The dark hell side of me says “That’s right. Let’s go. Now. I have nothing, and I don’t have the promise of anything getting better, either.”
2. The lighter side (currently on vacation, I guess) would probably say something like “The reason it’s good to stick around is because honestly you never know how much difference you might make in someone’s life. Whether it’s something you’ll say a week from now, or a kind thing you do 6 months from now… even if you don’t become aware of the consequence, your action might have a profound effect on someone else, and that person might end up somehow saving lives because of it.”
I don’t know which is right anymore.
The lighter side was fun to have, but the darker side feels more “real” these days.
I guess it’s because even though we might end up dying tomorrow, or the week after that, or never kill ourselves and live til we’re 95 and be miserable the whole way through. But we might also choose to live and enjoy it at some point- I’m not optimistic enough to think that one day I’ll wake up and my life will be rainbows and unicorns, but that maybe for like an hour or two at some point in the future, I’ll be happy, without guilt or sadness or anything.
Maybe that’s worth living for and maybe it’s not, but if I die now I’ll never get to experience that.