I can’t f***ing believe it. The way I planned isn’t gonna work. I know I can’t talk about methods but suffice to say something went wrong that I did not realize could be an issue. Unfortunately I did not realize this until I already started trying. I’ll be fine, just in a small amount of pain for the next few days. I’ve done some pretty embarrassing things in my life but this is really up there, I can’t believe I couldn’t even managed to get this to work properly. I am feeling a strange mix of insane amusement (I was literally cracking up) and a strong desire to do it a different way.
Thanks to everyone who read my last post and commented, I appreciate that there are people out there somehwere who understand and care.
I think I could do it a different way. It’d be a lot more painful than what I really want but at this point, who cares. I’m pretty sure I won’t be found for a while so I think I could be successful.
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Hey there, whatever you are trying to do right now…stop and breath. Please just stop and breath.
I’m betting if you and I got in a verbal “who did something more embarrassing in life” I could match you in depth and hilarity. Really truthfully I could. No shame in a failed attempt really. I think perhaps 95% of the folks here have failed attempt stories. Some of them are really funny to read, which is the intent of the person posting sometimes. Other times they are really scary to read and I am in tears. Either way, they are deeply personal and there is nothing wrong with your utter complete humanity, nope no shame in being wonderfully human. and you are, wonderfully human.
Oh and um, please put down that rope or dsl cord or whatever it is you are busy doing to yourself and talk for a while okay?
Try to hang in there man we are here for u
I think that was what he already tried to do.
What literally ?
@drowning, yes really.
If you tried once and it was painful yet failed please don’t try something even more painful, it may also fail and leave you in a worse state. You couldn’t foresee the failure last time you may not see it this time, suicide is hard, please keep talking here.
@4beyondhelp: are you okay? Are you still online lurking someplace? I more than a little worried about how you are doing right now as you have not replied to this thread. I hope you just got sidetracked by family things like dinner or grandma visiting or something and not something truly awful. So if you are reading this just say HI or fuck off or something so I know you aren’t swinging someplace, which would be really terrible in a way that I wouldn’t have any words for.
hi yeah sorry I’m ok. I wasn’t trying hanging, I don’t have a place to do that, but I’m fine. I’ve been sitting in my room all day doing nothing and my arm still hurts from almost-attempt #1 (I know no methods but basically I tried injecting some homemade death juice and the goddamn needle malfunctioned). I’m fucking tired of this and I wanna try again but I guess since I literally cannot get any lower than this I might as well stick around another day.
flattered for the concern, sorry to have worried anyone
Home made death juice hu? I will tell you that rarely works. Almost never. I applaud your creatively, and thought you were doing something else. But that isn’t a good option. Most likely what will happen is you will get a really bad infection at the site of injection and possibly some Cellulitis or Necrotising fasciitis, both of which are extremely painful. They are common infections of IV drug users. So stick around with us today. Have you been reading the threads? the forum is in rare form today, which is something I sorely needed since I have been feeling sorry for myself for days.
What is it exactly that is going on. Are you in high school? If you feel ok talking to me, I’m here listening.
thanks hazy, yeah I’m in high school (I think someone called me “he” earlier, I’m a girl not that it really matters). it’s sort of complicated but basically I go to boarding school by choice on full scholarship, no one in my family or town went but I just had to get out of there and this way if I survive long enough to go to college i have a shot of going to a good one. I’m 15 now & have been self harming since maybe 12 or 13, wanted to die for about a year. I made myself hold on until I could come here bc I thought I had a better shot of fixing myself here, but old habits die hard I guess, and I’m as much a piece of shit as ever. I can see a therapist for free here (been seeing her about a month) without my mom being notified, which is great, and confidentiality’s good unless I say I’m suicidal or homicidal so I’ve been able to talk about a lot of things except this, lol. therapist is the only one to know about the self harm and literally no one knows about my suicidal thoughts.
I know it sounds stupid, but I did do the research & the chemicals I was trying to inject cause almost certain death if you get enough in. like I said the only problem was the needle (which was clean by the way, so infection risk is relatively low). the tiny amount I did manage to get in isn’t enough to do much but be a nuisance for a couple days and the chemical isn’t the kind that will cause an infection. on the tiny chance that it does somehow get infected, I know how to treat it and hide it after years of self harm.
I have been reading the threads today, I’m wondering what’s in the air that suddenly everyone wants to talk about death. I just was trying to calm myself down for the past few hours because I still start laughing (and possibly dru sobbing?) when I think about the pathetic attempt and its failure, and talk myself out of doing something else without thinking it out more carefully.
thank you so much for listening, hope you have a good day!
wow. You are amazing. No really. give yourself some breathing room. Talk to the therapist, come here and share when it gets over powering. It really does help to hash things out here. No judgement, no shame. We all have been there and we all support where ever each other is. Regardless of age or nationality, or anything else for that matter.
thank you hazy
That method is difficult. A former friend of mine tried something similar and yeah, he couldn’t manage to do it. So it’s not just you, it is difficult.
You mention trying another method… man, really? give it a good look and read up on it beforehand. You’re lucky that the method you picked first didn’t cause any damage, but if you try something more dangerous and fail, you could end up seriously screwed up, and that’s not something you want, imho.
I know it technically wasn’t me, the needle didn’t work properly. thank you though.
you are right about not trying something else without planning more carefully first. thanks