At first, I unfriended him from facebook, and that hurt. And it’s not that I don’t want to be friends with him. It’s that it hurts too much that I can be so easily replaced and forgotten. But then I deactivated my page. He won’t notice I’m gone. After almost a year and always giving him everything, I don’t fucking matter at all. All that fucking matters to him is someone being under 100 lbs when he’s 300 lbs himself.
I want to fucking kill myself. Half because of him and knowing I’ll always be alone and half because I’m embarrassed to be so fucking ugly and hideous that no one could ever want anything to do with me. I don’t want to be stuck in the same city as him either!!! Get me the fuck out!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t stand it any longer!!!!!!!!!!!
10 comments
Look, you don’t need a boy to make you feel beautiful, special, or important. You already are those things. You just have to believe it, which you don’t. I also think your hormones are acting up. If you take a nap, you may wake up in a different/better mood. Maybe take deep breaths when you feel this way again, relax, keep calm and carry on.
I’m 38, yeah my hormone levels are high because I’m on hormone replacement therapy so I have raging testosterone and raging estrogen fighting back. But this has always been how I was, when I started I had extremely low hormone levels and I still wanted to find my soul mate back then. Then I DO find the one and all he cared about was finding someone – anyone – under 100 lbs because he likes to see every bone poking out of the skin and see every vertebrae of the spine. So he finally got that and it’s like I never existed!!
You have been having a really hard time of it lately disgusting. How is your job going? Is it getting any better?
No, I’m frustrated with that too because a) I keep getting less and less hours every week and I can’t live on 10 hours a week, b) they’re taking their time getting me my other W2’s so I’ll be extra extra fucked when I can’t get my taxes filed by the deadline — and I HAVE to find someone to do it for free because everyone ASSUMES if you have a 1099 in there, you must be ROLLING IN IT so it costs $100 to file with that, even on all of the “FREE” sites. Never mind that it was a side job where I made $3k but yeah I already know the government wants that $3k. But yeah I may not get to file because they haven’t sent my W2 under their new business name yet. And the other job – I think the front desk person hates me. We used to get along then she stopped talking to me and started bitching about the bathroom being nasty (the whole building shares the bathroom), the microwave being filthy and the fridge being filthy, which I don’t use either, I drink coffee and bring fruit & oatmeal lunch, which doesn’t use anything but disposable cups & bowls that I bought, so I’m not making any mess here but I feel like she’s thinking it’s all me being a slob because I’m the fat one. She she walks around pissed off and putting notes on the wall about how filthy everything is.
Got to love passive aggressive office assholes. Sorry to hear this. I was thinking about you the other day while I was doing my taxes. Thinking, damn this is tough and I have all the paperwork, I can’t imagine what it is like when someone doesn’t have all the paperwork.
Yeah I’m stressed enough knowing the government most likely wants a couple of grand or more off my tiny little side job, the first job’s becoming even tinier and I’m actually earning LESS from the main job now, and then they are taking forever with my other W2 so I may not have a chance to find free help in time.
I’d take the first opportunity to get a job in another city if I had the chance!!! I wanted Chicago to be my home but I can’t live here with this!!
i hope things get better.. life sure can get crappy..
Me too. I’m having a hard time not doing it tonight for the same reason. Why are good girls being broken up with mean men leaving them?
I’m sorry, I just read another post by you and discovered you’re a man. My previous comment sucked I was dumb to assume. I’m sorry! Do you have an email?