I’m so tired of being tired. I don’t have the energy or focus to do anything worthwhile. I can’t move forward – I don’t have the strength. I struggle to even do the bare minimum. I’m just here, slowly decaying. I’m scared to give up – to die. But nothing will change if I stay. I can’t sleep properly. I can’t eat without stomach pains. I can’t be around people without gut wrenching anxiety. This isn’t some temporary stage that’ll pass. This is me.
I’m just here, not dying, not really living. It could be worse. It probably will get worse.
I don’t know how to live with this despair. To know that I will never feel happy, content, or at peace again. That there will never be anything positive in my life again – only competing fears. Fighting it is exhausting, and it feels so pointless.
Life is bad, and death seems worse. Until that changes, guess I’ll keep on rotting away.
3 comments
It’s not whining. Sometimes you need to write about how you feel or what’s going on. This site is good for that.
If u don’t mind me asking: What’s the history behind your name (why u chose it)?
Kind of how I felt about myself – the shell of a person, still appearing like a normal human on the outside, but really hollow and lacking substance on the inside – a husk. Also they’re an enemy in the Mass Effect games, so that could’ve been in my mind.