Suicidal thoughts

Just a picture I threw together on my phone in like ten minutes. But a bunch of shit in my life right now just became more shitty. And my mom was confused why I reacted the way I did because my life is just so great, at least she thinks. 1. She’s only there for the good parts. 2. She doesn’t know anything I’m dealing with. 3. I don’t have god shitting his shiny gold turds into my life like she does apparently.

Anyway, I don’t have time to go into detail, since I’m at work and I’ve already spent two hours in the bathroom crying. I should probably be somewhat productive tonight.

But picture description:  people think suicidal thoughts are a switch. If we smile, we must no longer be depressed or want to die, but if something shitty happens, we flip the switch and want to kill ourselves because daddy didn’t buy us that pony we wanted. It’s nothing like that, but more of a gauge. There’s different degrees to them and things in the middle that weigh on it. Just because I smile and it appears I don’t want to be dead, I could be faking the smile. Or maybe something small happened that gave me a little hope for life, and right above suicidal on that gauge is: maybe I should hold on for one more day. Ya know?

That’s just a summary of it. I have a lot more in my head, but my head writes the words faster than I type them and half of it gets lost in translation. I’m not proofreading this right now, if ever so I’m not even sure I made sense. And there’s probably a lot of typos and autocorrecting, stupid phone.

P.s. I’m back. It’s been awhile. No time for explaining right now, but I didn’t leave because things got better. Maybe I can give a better “I’m back” post later? Who knows.

P.p.s. Probably not. I suck.