Damn.
Someone saw it. A classmate of mine saw the cuts. Actually – thank god – just one, and also not my deepest one.. – thank God for it –
Well she was asking like: “Wow, this looks pretty much like you cut yourself, hahaha! Where’d you get this from?!”
And I, just desperately trying to bring her away from this thought, as I never want anyone to see, especially not her, I dunno, I kinda don’t trust her really, (don’t wanna sound mean though, but unfortunately I have a problem with trusting anyway…), was like: “Huh, where the hell did I got this from?!” I really tried my very best and was acting as good and convincing as I could, and I think – or at least hope – that it was good enough and she doesn’t suspect anything anymore… I mean I’m fortunately really clumsy, so it’s probably not that suspicious…
Still I’m afraid. Of course I am! I mean this is one of my deepest secrets, and this things are part of my true self. Proof of my damaged and insane mind…
And besides I’m desperately trying to keep it hidden from everyone; since more than half a year and it always worked out very well. So tomorrow and the the day after and following too I have to act even happier than before; I’ll just be Miss extremely happy c:
I’m not allowed to show only the slightest bit of sorrow, grief, anger or any other negative emotion in the next days.
Hell, I know I’m overreacting way too much again! But my anxiety is just not going away.
I don’t know, probably she has already forgotten about this incident, I mean as I already mentioned I’m really clumsy and I tried to act as well as I could so actually it should be alright and forgotten but there is still this little, constant voice in my head, that keeps on questioning me “And what if not?! What do you do when this is not the case?! What if she DID recognise what it was?! What then, you stupid idiot? Gonna kill yourself and go to hell?! You’re WEAK, *****! So incredible WEAK and PATHETIC! You’re a wretched creature that shouldn’t be living here anymore, causing only trouble to others. Go. Do it. Don’t hesitate any longer. At least punish yourself for all those things you did today! And all the other days! You don’t deserve any better.”
Just go to hell yourself, voice!
Well guys I’m sorry for it but do you have perhaps some advice in general what to answer, what to say if someone sees the cuts. I’m really worried about others seeing it, I always was, but this kinda made it worse, so really what is a convincing lie for cuts? I seriously can’t come up with the slightest idea…
And also do you have methods to hide them? I stopped cutting on my shoulder, as it is really hard to hide them there when I have to go to the docto or something, so I’m cutting my wrists again, just also before. Of course I have many bracelets and also mostly long sleeves if it’s not too suspicious… But they get out of place sometimes even though I’m careful with it, just as today, so what to do?
5 comments
I will tell you what I know from experience that actually works. At least it has for me:
“Yes, I [insert your fact here].”
When you tell people to their face that you do, like, or dislike something in a natural, but self-assured or confident manner, people tend to shut up.
You don’t have to make a big deal out of it and start a drama scene on the spot, just say something along the lines of:
“Oh this? Well, I cut myself. It’s something I am working on, but since it’s very personal, I need to ask you to keep it to yourself, ok? Thank you.”
Of course, if you don’t others to know about it, the second best answer I have for you is easily said: DON’T DO IT.
This is why my first answer is still the best, because if they won’t keep their mouths shut, after a tough and rough period of time, you may end up getting the help you need, and in that case, you have the people who wouldn’t keep quiet to thank.
Best of luck to you. I hope you find the strength to fight through this challenging period in your life. The battle is well worth fighting, BELIEVE me. But most of all, believe in YOURSELF.
Thanks so much for all the effort you put into your reply and your great advice.
You’re probably – no well, not only probably – you’re completely right, telling the truth confident in their face would be the best.
But well the problem here is: They would never ever keep it for their selves, even when I asked them to. Most people my age dislike me and are bitching about me very often, so if they’d find out, the whole school would know it sooner or later. And the other problem: I’m not self-confident, I’ve social anxiety, I’m always nervous even when just talking to my class mates…
But still, if possible I’ll do my best to follow your advice.
Thank you once more for all your support and nice advice and wishes, thanks so incredible much!
All the best for you too.
@NoMoreHopeLeft
If I may, one more thing to say?
Things didn’t get where they’re at today simply overnight, did they?
You are not where you are in life in vain. There is purpose, but it’s a learning process.
Try as much as you can to:
#1: Begin working on your confidence. It’s not about what people think of you, but about how you feel with your self. If you don’t like who you are, start taking steps to change that, but do it for YOU, not for others.
#2: Surround yourself of positive people. Negative, shallow people tend to block your view of the better, more positive surroundings. If you’re going to have people around you, make sure it’s the kind of friends who bring you out, not push you in.
It’s ok to be nervous about facing life, even the every-day stuff others do so naturally. You will do the same eventually.
Watch this video and think of these three things:
A: If you enjoy doing something; if you’re passionate about a subject, or want to do or be a certain person, DO IT. Happiness is also brought by being and doing what you like!
B: True friends. Don’t be mistaken; knowing a lot of people at school, social media, etc. doesn’t mean you have a lot of friends. TRUE friends are with you and will stand by you for who you are. If they had a problem with you they wouldn’t have become your friends in the beginning, right?
C: It’s ok to make mistakes. But if you learn from those, they’re not mistakes but Lessons. What matters is how you take the experience and move on ahead, just like Jonathan does right before he starts singing in this video 😉
See my user name? I stand by it. Any time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsNlcr4frs4
I agree that telling the truth is best. Once when I was at school I rolled my sleeves up without thinking. The cuts were shallow but there were lots of them. A girl touched my arm and I said really stupidly, “That was… The cat.” She just looked at me, and even though I still felt really anxious and embarrassed I felt a lot better, because she looked like she really cared – she just looked a bit shocked. But she’d cut before too. Even if everyone found out you self harm, there would be people who understood, though they might never say anything. But I know it’s hard for a lot of people to understand and people can react badly. And anxiety can make it feel impossible to share something like that. The girl who saw one probably isn’t thinking about it anymore, but if anyone else does the only explanations I can think of are an accident chopping vegetables or an animal scratching you. If you can’t now, I hope one day you’ll feel comfortable showing someone, if not everyone. Some people will react badly but others will just be sympathetic. I knew another girl at school who had some older cuts and she didn’t try to hide them. I heard people talking about it once but one of them was just worried about her and asking someone if she was okay. People who use it against you aren’t people you should listen to – but I know it isn’t that easy. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope that voice becomes quieter soon. 🙂
I’m going to give you some REAL advice….
You don’t have to tell anyone. It’s your business. I know the feeling of self-consciousness, and the guilt of hiding it and feeling different or even singled out. Honestly, cutting is a cycle that is better to escape sooner than later. Because if you think it’s bad NOW, it’ll only get worse if you continue. Invest in a rubber band, and pop that shit against your wrists next time you have the urge. As for excuses or lies to tell, you have a rough pet (cat, dog etc) or you fell through thorn bushes hiking. Anything pretty much that places you in a reasonable situation.