Pointless

everything just seems so pointless right now…. I don’t want to do anything, yet I’m bored and need stimulation…. I have spent most of this week (had the week off) just sort of laying in bed wishing that I could sleep more, and watching really strange and somewhat boring youtube videos…. I just can’t really feel anything this week, most of the things that I find pleasant just seem so pointless. And classes start on Monday, not looking forward to that. I wonder if I will actually do well, I am only 10 classes away from my degree so only a bit under a year left, sad that it will take me close to 4 years just to get my AA…. And then what do I do after that? I will probably still be going to school while doing the job hunting thing, just so I can stay on my father’s insurance…. I don’t really feel safe not being insured mostly as my father would actually pay to cover any medical bill because he cares about me or something like that…. I wish he didn’t though, I wouldn’t feel obligated to be alive right now if he didn’t…. And I don’t want to end up hurting myself in anyway either mostly because I am starting to grow really tired of having to tell my counselor about these sorts of things…. And I do need to stop it too, it really isn’t sustainable. I washed dishes today though at least, has been awhile since I did that…. So long that mold was growing on most of them…. And I was able to make some rice and eat it, was kind of nice eating warm food out of a bowl with a spoon -_- but now I have more dishes to do :/ But I guess I’m not doing anything better with my time…. I’m thinking that maybe tonight I may go get some fastfood noms, I only has $5 but I can get decent things for that I guess…. Going to wait until night so I don’t run a risk of my father coming home and walking in on it…. Also has the added benefit of making it harder for people to notice that I am walking inside my home with fastfood. Still haven’t decided on what I will get, am actually thinking of taco bell, which is strange as I used to not be that fond of their items but am finding their food quite pleasant lately…. -_- I almost was going to spend time with a friend this mourning, he was thinking about going to a bar and wanted a driver (and I’m perfect since I don’t drink) and he was going to buy me food, and bar food tends to be good…. But that feel threw because his parents decided to take him to a restaurant…. at midnight…. which is odd…. But I spent tiem with him on Thursday mourning, which was nice…. Picked him up at around 1am, went to Denny’s and got coffee and their $2 pancakes (I only had a bit over $10…. but don’t worry I did have enough to leave around a 20% tip) was nice, we stayed there until around 5am (they didn’t really care as there was only one other person there) was rather nice.

Meh welp this got longer than I wanted it to be…. But it’s nice writing things…. -_-