Anyone heard these words before?
Little back story: i have just come out of a 3 day low pressure system, (have started referring to my depression in weather terminology), stuck inside the house, sleeping excessively, & crying when i was awake. So a pretty intense period to say the least.
Went back to work yesterday, & because im honest with my boss i told him why i wasnt at work. Only to be met with…” but i just saw u and you were fine..”.
Now this was followed by a line of questioning in the vane of.. what do u think triggers it? What do u think about when ur going thru these times? Did u do anything that might have caused it? I’ve heard food can contribute to it… did u eat anything? …..WTF!!!
Now if i knew that this was coming from a point of caring, then i could forgive the silliness of the questions. But it wasnt. It was coming from a purely selfish p.o.v. He was thinking & wondering how my “shit” may or may not effect his life and his new potential business partner whos buying half of his business. (Valid concerns, I agree). But in the last 3 months i have only had 4 days off. Ok its more than some people but.. well less than some. & anyway, our mothers went to school together so, we got lots of history, & this person claims to be like a brother to me, but its becoming obvious to me that its only like this as long as i play ball, & dont upset the status quo.
Im gonna ask him for a coffee tomorrow and try to explain as much as i can about this caper. If we’re as close as he says, then maybe he will get it. (At least i can try).
I guess what in getting at is… well, unless u have been thru some of what we go thru, u wont get it. And dont expect us to have the answers. If we did, we wouldnt have a problem, & the world would fucking wonderful.
Sorry if u read this… was just ranting
6 comments
I never tell anyone anything other than generic answers as to how i feel to avoid this because people don’t understand.
From what you have posted it would seem that your boss cares, at least in some small degree, for your well being. Given the history, I would give him a chance in order to understand what you are going through. Maybe he is not that selfish as you think him to be. Wirst case scenario he will be another addition to the group of people that do not understand.
I yell no one a thing. Better for me that way. My asshole family would likely brush it off as nonsense. Tell anyone within listening distance, tag me on every suicide depression article and group to be found on fb or claim I’m an attention whore. Fuck it. Leave the mystery intact. At least for life. Way too much to lose and would make my life far worse than it already is.
That is RIDDLED with typos but you get the gist.
Nope I’ve never heard that from anybody, probably because I don’t exactly talk about this to people that won’t understand. There are a few people I feel comfortable speaking about this with, but they are generally in the same place. -_- The only things I’ve ever gotten were annoying questions from strangers when I mess up and they notice some of my scars…. Things like “Were those done with a razor?” “Where you trying to kill yourself” “Why are you such an emo ******?” “How often do you do this?” and other stupid statements…. Generally asked with either a mocking/degrading tone, or a tone of disgust, or sometimes in a tone that sort of implies curiosity. I hate people :/
Thanks for ur thoughts. It really seems like most of u guys keep things to urself. . I try and talk to those close to me in the hope that maybe it can help them understand or help someone in the future.