Sick and Tired

I needed to rant so here I am. I have social anxiety and it’s very hard to express myself. Whether it be in public or online. Up until two years ago, I didn’t even know what social anxiety was. When this girl online describe what she went through all her life, I thought to myself. That sounds like me. But my family and sisters call me weird. They don’t even think social anxiety is a real thing.  They are very close-minded and like to label people. Plus, they think they are better than everyone. The sister closer in age to me is a spoiled as*h*le, but she’s nothing compared to my two older sisters. My oldest sister V, I have no words. Demon B*t*h straight from hell can’t even describe her. She talks about me like a dog because I’m not “normal”, plus she lets her friends talk about me. My second oldest sister M is the devils spawn. These are women well into their 30’s I might add, but back to M. She does the same thing, and all of this happens in front of me. Not only do I have social anxiety, I was raped and called ugly my whole life by family members and strangers. But I could have coped with that if my siblings would have stuck by me. I’ve never been pretty or normal enough to hang with them, and now I don’t even care because I found out Im dying. Not gonna go into details about that. Because it does not matter, at least my physical and mental anguish will be over. I’ve suffered all my life and I’m just tired. I know there are a lot of people with worse stories than mine. I met a few people in college with rough lives. I have no one. My mom sides with them all of the time. My brother and the sister that’s close to my age hate that my mom does that. Not because they want to defend me. Only because they want some kind of justice because my sisters are awful. That’s not even the worse of what they’ve done, but I know one thing if you try to defend yourself they plan a verbal attack and will call you every name in the book. Liars, backstabbers. Just awful people. They were like this as teenagers. That said, I wish I had someone who loves me beside me when I die. I’m afraid.