I’m 25 and I’ve been severely depressed since I was a small child. Â I’ve attempted suicide almost a dozen times since I was 14, and can’t seem to get it done. Â No matter what I do or how many loving and caring people I try to surround myself with, I can’t help feeling useless, worthless, powerless and like nothing I do will matter.
I’ve been emotionally and psychologically destroyed by my family, peers and the system that I’ve grown up surrounded by. Â I feel as though almost everything I do is some form of capitulation to the institution, especially my suicidal thoughts and feelings. Â I constantly feel like I need to die, like it’s the only thing I can do that will be right in the world. Â Even that would be a huge surrender to oppression, because I know that there is so much to be done to make the world free again.
I feel completely hopeless in a world that doesn’t seem to care about anything but controlling everyone and everything. Â I feel stupid and blind. Â From mother earth we all come, and to her we all return. Â I just want it to be soon.
2 comments
There is a lot of badness in the world. I feel it everyday. I have to block out the evils of the world for my own sanity. But…..I get what you’re saying. Sometimes I think the answer lies on the other side. But…we’re here now….and only for a short time. I hope you don’t take responsibility for the world….no one could take that.
TZAZ,
You’ve got something there…Because I AM MY WORLD -more than anything else- that’s what it feels like,..You/I/We internalize to a great measure the perceived responsibility for our/my HUMAN CONDITION, and so no surprise that am I somewhat liable to BLAME MYSELF?!
Daniel, Please hang in here with us. Twenty-five is so young. I’m twice your age and have been “Suicidal” for many years, but only very recently BAD TIMES.