I watched Trainspotting 2 recently and thought it was as good as the 1st one.
This monologue perfectly sums up my (and probably many peoples) thoughts on society nowadays.
Yes indeed Randall.
I think that is the cold truth. We try our best to control a situation or our life for our own benefit. But it all comes to chance? luck? fate? I don’t know. Non controllable either way.
Randall, i would like to here your ‘life happens’ monologue. I think it would be quite inspiring.
Then you could facebook , twitter, snapchat and blog it to anyone who would listen.
Midian Monster, here’s my monologue: drum roll………ready……here it is……
Life Happens, Then it doesn’t. All the stuff in between is merely entertainment. Whewww…I don’t have Facebook, twitter, snapchat..so…you’re my only audience.
Fuck it Randall,
feel free to ‘spew bile’ all over my posts lol 🙂
I like your monologue. I find that the shorter the message , the more it hits home for me. I don’t need a lot of dialogue nowadays.
Twitter taught me that…Keep it under 140 characters. That’s about my attention span nowadays anyway. I think wifi, bluetooth and celluar masts have literally fried my brain.
You wrote: I would love to be proved wrong and find some sort of meaning in a new emdeavour, but i remain highly sceptical that such a thing exists for me.
I once told a Zen Master I was going to suicide. He said, “oh great. Not bad, not good.” He continued, “So, if you decide to live on tell me how it might go for you.”
I said, “Well, I’ll keep working. Eating, shitting, sleeping, dreaming and do the day to day routine.”
He said, “Then what?”
I said, “Well, then I’ll get sick and die at the end.”
He said, “Ah…very good. Now tell me what happens if you jump from a bridge today?”
I said, “Well, I walk to the bridge, jump and that’s it. I die.”
He said, “Ahh…funny. Very good. Either way the end result is the same. Dead. The difference is if you decide to keep on in this life you have to go through some stuff and you don’t know what it is until you go through it. You might like it, you might not. That’s how stuff is. Very uncertain. And there’s only as much meaning and purpose as you want to give it. Otherwise, it’s just stuff. No big deal.
If you jump today you skip that stuff and get right to the same end. You choose.”
Sorry you’re feeling low. Sucks. But…maybe things will pick up, or maybe not. One things for certain, nothing stays the same. Rock On!!
Those / that zen dude(s) sound like the most chilled out people i would ever like to meet.
It’s true what he’s saying regarding uncertainty. Who know’s what the future may bring. But that:s the problem for me. Any time i try to think rationally about the possibilty of happiness comimg..just can’t see it. What scares me, is nothing ever being enough. What if something genuinely good comes in to my life but i’m too fucked up to see it now?
If such a thing had happened when i was younger, then i would think , maybe the chance to reverse my sadness and problems could have potentially happened.
I know im being pessemistic, but that’s all i have now i think.
Thankyou for your kind words Randall. i will think on this though.
That ‘zen master’ sounds like a spiritual infant. I conversed with a Buddhist priest who, in response to my complex question of purpose in an undefined existence, regurgitated the same “shit happens” attitude. I thanked him for his time and sat by myself in the hall where I happened to meet a lowly janitor who answered my question with startling acumen. The zen and the buddhists and the Hindus will always get the answer wrong because those disciplines are obsessed with the ‘self’. Self-awareness, self-enlightenment, self-purification. But the universe as a whole doesn’t give two shits about anyone’s ‘self’. The universe is a collective, and as long as poeople keep wondering “what’s in it for me?” there will always be misery and frustration. But if we drop our obsession with the self and instead imagine the universe as one huge body that we are all trying to guide, then we realize the importance of our acts and contributions no matter how little reward, material or spiritual, that we reap for our troubles. The meaning of life? Push with all your might and do everything you can to correct the course of this barge. We are sailors on a ship in perilous waters. No time for demanding higher pay, no time to run off to your bunk and meditate or jerk off. This is essentially what the janitor told me, and if I had my say, he would be addressing the disciples while the self proclaimed Buddhist master would be pushing the broom.
space between
I have never studied, nor really subscribed to any particalar philosophy in this life. For me, it was always one and the same. There is no answers, just as there is no correct / imcorrect way to choose to lead your life.
I like your janitors philosophy, it is admirable to me. But you need a huge amount of willpower to even lead your life by such a code.
When life has kicked you down again and again..then when is it quitting time? never?
So instead of 30 odd years of torture, i could do say 70/ 80 years? Because that is the right thing to do according to the janitor?
I don’t have that inner strength. Good luck to anyone who can take that punishment and still be ready to fight morning after morning.
I respect what your saying, space between, but to me that view on life is just another one to add to all the other different ‘correct ways’ to live your life.
Thankyou for your comment mate.
midian monster, I actually agree with you. I figure we can either live to benefit the universe, or we should kill ourselves. I’m still not sure how I’ll end up. But like the guy in the scene, I don’t like the idea of accepting the crap just for the sake of living. It sounds like that’s what the zen guy was saying… Either you die now, or you go through a bunch of stuff and die later, he says. I think that’s sort of a cop out. I think the choice is either you die now (suicide), or you fight to make a difference in the world. The guy in the clip seems to be saying the world is hopeless, and maybe it is. But there’s a 2nd possibility, that all the shit can be changed if we try real hard. Either way I think the idea is “Do something.” Living 70/80 years of torture or with all the artificial crap the clip mentions, that’s not the way to live. I guess I’ll keep trying to make a difference in the world, in my small way, until I lose faith in the world completely and then I’ll kill myself. Maybe you’re already at the point of losing faith and killing yourself… that would be sad but at least it makes more sense than continuing the torture for no good reason.
space between
I appreciate people like you that do their hardest to make a difference in this world. Fuck, i know if everyone was like me, the world would be a darker place indeed.
All those unsung heroes like nurses and firefighters for example. Where would we be if they decided enough was enough? Well i believe you know the answer already.
The thing that made me so cynical was, the more i learned of this world, the more i realise it has always been an unpleasant place to say the least. The child in me wants to believe that we can solve not only our own differences, but build a better future at the same time.
Looking around at this world, even without the media spin pushing an agenda, do you think it’s possible?
I can’t see it personally.
All i see is a sinking ship tbh.
Yeah, I’m starting to see that too. When I was younger I was a lot more optimistic and that’s what I’m trying to hold on to, but after a while you start realizing it was just naïveté. Who knows, maybe that’s part of the grand scheme. We are born optimistic and delusional so we can be productive, and then when we’re older and weaker mentally and physically we realize our life is pointless so we die and make room for the next generation. The big question is, are we making any progress? That’s hard to know. There have been some improvements, but there have also been damages. I think we’re stuck in a loop. I keep waiting for some indication that the world is getting better but there’s nothing. Funny the other night I was watching a Star Trek movie (first contact) and they said the human race was basically screwed in the 21st century but they would eventually make first contact with an alien race and realize they weren’t alone in the universe, and that would give everyone’s life meaning and the whole planet would unite. That would be great, but for now it’s just a stupid sci-fi movie, fantasy & faith all we got to keep us going. Not very convincing.
space between
I wanted to answer yesterday, but my brain couldn’t formulate a correct response. My mind goes into overdrive considering aliens , first contact and intergalactic warfare.
When i think of ‘first contact’ i think of Reagan’s speech about a united earth against an extra terrestrial threat..
It’s kinda sad, but i’d love to see that moment irl
Gotta be a better option imo, than nukes flying around i guess.
Fuck that was depressing! Surprised all of that was in a movie. He’s right though, when you “Choose life”, you choose all the bullshit that comes with it. I guess it boils down to every one dies anyway, but I’d still rather take myself out instead of ending up on the street or mental institution or nursing home.
bnb30
lol sorry. I just felt it spoke volumes of truth (of the non sugar coated variety).
I feel the same way as you in regarding ‘taking yourself out’
Maybe that is the only real choice that we can truly have /decide for ourselves in this game?
Yeah, a lot of things are out of our control, but we can at least decide when to go. I care less and less about many things. I wish my time would come soon. Just have to make sure it doesn’t fail.
bnb30
i saw your ‘amazon’ post and was intrigued to say the least. Is there a roundabout way you could point me in the right direction please?
You know, this week was going to be it for me no shit.
For the past 2 weeks, i can honestly say i have been lower than i have ever been in my entire life. So much so, i did my research and found a way (beautifully simple) that i was actually comfortable to go through with.
This, when i had this revelation, brought me peace. For some reason, having an option and a plan, managed to alleviate a good amount of pressure that has built up for a while.
I too care less for many things i once held dear. For a guy who went from online gaming sessions of 6 hours plus, to a bored out of my brain in 20 mins gamer….well. The distractions aren’t working any more. In fact, i realised that anything i do now is a distraction. Sure , i can pick up a new hobby if i really wanted to but i know deep down it’s just a distraction. Thats it.
I would love to be proved wrong and find some sort of meaning in a new emdeavour, but i remain highly sceptical that such a thing exists for me.
That makes me incredibly sad because I really like you. As far as Amazon, let’s just say you buy some strong poppy seeds because you want to bake muffins. You have to look into the rest.
Hm, I must’ve had a post with “Choose Death” or similar wording as a title post. If not, there ought to be one! I’ve got no nuggets of wisdom to make anyone else feel better, only words reflecting the realism of life, that life is shite.
Well crap, I had typed this long, nicely written paragraph or two, only for my finger to slip, press the wrong button, and the whole page closed. ARRRRGHHH. And I can’t remember the words I typed. Double ARGH.
Hm, well I suppose this in a sense symbolizes my life- I try so hard, put so much thought and energy into something, and then poof*- everything done was for naught in the end. Story of my life…
That’s the one thing that does my head in as well. There’s no reason i can see why a post sometimes fails on this site. After it happened to me a couple of times, i got into the habbit of copying my text before it posted. But it actually made no difference when it came to reposting the same content. It still failed even after i logged out / cleared cache and tried to repost. Happened even on the most innocent of posts as well….
I appreciate you trying though eternal.
Nah it happens on other sites too. My fingers somehow press the magic buttons that close a page -_-‘. Btw, have you checked out the other 2 “Carla” videos? They’re a hoot.
I must see this, though lately I get overwhelmed from almost any film or book or whatever that’s about people…
I might be going crazy on the fast lane.
So yeah, my understanding of the Scottish accent has evolved significantly since I’ve seen the first part. (not from the UK or an English speaking country)
Anyway, I might only be able to watch infant cartoons…at this level of anxiety
brw
It must be bloody horrible to feel like that. I’m sorry to hear you are suffering like this. On a lighter note, when i used to work with some nice Polish people in some warehouse work, they used to make me laugh, cause they understood the Scot’s better than me. I think a small part of it was because both they and the Scot’s used to roll their ‘r’s. Obviously more to it than that, but it did make me chuckle.
By the way you post brw, i wouldn’t have suspected you as not being from a non English speaking Country.
Yeah, I worked for four years with Scottish people. None of them from Glasgow though, so, might still need subtitles 🙂
On a heavier note, been thinking that maybe movies and books give me anxiety also because something like the facebook effect. Life seems to happen there, in contrast with mine, which is not. Which is stuck and not moving. In films there is action, otherwise it wouldn’t be film.
I can understand how you feel, like other people are living life.
For several reasons, i have been unemployed for a little while. This is really starting to take it’s toll on me. Not just in regards to anxiety. I think being alone so much is really starting to cause serious problems with my brain. Like now, i am really struggling to reply to this one comment. Sometimes, it just flows, but more and more recently, i have noticed that what i’m writing is not even what i really mean.
I know people will say ‘lay off the drugs’ and i agree somewhat. But i think the lack of having proper face to face conversations is causing some cognitive problems / failure.
You know how prisoners are portrayed when they are kept in solitary confinement for so long, they start going a little bit mad?
I genuinely think i’m starting to feel the effects of that and that also scares me a bit.
Fuck , this was very difficult to type.
Now i’m getting pissed off cause i want to talk about your problems, but i’ve just wrote a wall of text about my own shit. Sorry brw.
Hey, at least you’re not talking to the ducks anymore… You’re now typing to phantoms on the internet. Now, if the ducks start talking back to you… 😛
But seriously though, if that’s the case, maybe go out more, have some more human interaction? I say this as I hibernate and stay away from humans… But my case is different. My personal experiences have taught me that most humans (not all) are evil and terrible people. I stay in to protect myself from their evil clutches and manipulations and backstabbing and usery. But yes, lack of human interaction, or mental stimulation from staying home isolated and not doing productive things will lead to a mental and psychological decline.
Although…if you manage to decipher the language of the ducks whilst not going mad, you shall live life in infamy as the duck whisperer…
Hey Mid, it’s okay, what you’ve described are my problems too, actually. I can really relate to mot of this, maybe also because I’ve myself been unemployed for a while and sort of isolated myself from everyone and everything. This isolation though has been going on all my life in a way, I think, I’ve always been more in my head than with other people.
Though when I’m with others I lose myself and don’t know who I am.
I can also relatw to not feeling able to reply, and feeling like not writing what I mean. Like the meaning is so slippery that it disappears from the words once they get written down.
That’s maybe because everything is meaningless in the end. And not in the depressive way, but in the, “this is life” way.
I seem to be unable to believe any meaning anymore. But it’s impossible to live without meaning? Or is it? Some so called spiritually enlightened people might say it’s not.
Okay, went off on a philosofical tangent, sorry.
Being alone for long does change the mind I think. Maybe in some cases when you use that time to meditate and go deeper, it can get to some realisations, it can have healing effects. In my case it’s started like that but now it’s chaos…
@ eternal
I think that would make a good movie. A cross between ‘fly away home’ and ‘ the horse whisperer’
A sweeping epic of one mans journey into madness and his salvation at the hands of a group of ducks that he has befriended at the local park.
Title: Quackers: monsters and ducks – 2017 , Directed by : Michael Mann.
@brw
Go off on any tangent you want mate. I appreciate all you have said. I too have had a lifetime of isolation. Some self imposed, some not. When the time comes, me and my ‘Duck Army’ will come rescue you in Europe. Keep watching the sky for a sign…You’ll know when you see it.
33 comments
Doesn’t feel like there’s a choice involved. Anywhere, by anyone. Life happens.
And then it doesn’t.
Yes indeed Randall.
I think that is the cold truth. We try our best to control a situation or our life for our own benefit. But it all comes to chance? luck? fate? I don’t know. Non controllable either way.
Randall, i would like to here your ‘life happens’ monologue. I think it would be quite inspiring.
Then you could facebook , twitter, snapchat and blog it to anyone who would listen.
Midian Monster, here’s my monologue: drum roll………ready……here it is……
Life Happens, Then it doesn’t. All the stuff in between is merely entertainment. Whewww…I don’t have Facebook, twitter, snapchat..so…you’re my only audience.
Fuck it Randall,
feel free to ‘spew bile’ all over my posts lol 🙂
I like your monologue. I find that the shorter the message , the more it hits home for me. I don’t need a lot of dialogue nowadays.
Twitter taught me that…Keep it under 140 characters. That’s about my attention span nowadays anyway. I think wifi, bluetooth and celluar masts have literally fried my brain.
You wrote: I would love to be proved wrong and find some sort of meaning in a new emdeavour, but i remain highly sceptical that such a thing exists for me.
I once told a Zen Master I was going to suicide. He said, “oh great. Not bad, not good.” He continued, “So, if you decide to live on tell me how it might go for you.”
I said, “Well, I’ll keep working. Eating, shitting, sleeping, dreaming and do the day to day routine.”
He said, “Then what?”
I said, “Well, then I’ll get sick and die at the end.”
He said, “Ah…very good. Now tell me what happens if you jump from a bridge today?”
I said, “Well, I walk to the bridge, jump and that’s it. I die.”
He said, “Ahh…funny. Very good. Either way the end result is the same. Dead. The difference is if you decide to keep on in this life you have to go through some stuff and you don’t know what it is until you go through it. You might like it, you might not. That’s how stuff is. Very uncertain. And there’s only as much meaning and purpose as you want to give it. Otherwise, it’s just stuff. No big deal.
If you jump today you skip that stuff and get right to the same end. You choose.”
Sorry you’re feeling low. Sucks. But…maybe things will pick up, or maybe not. One things for certain, nothing stays the same. Rock On!!
Those / that zen dude(s) sound like the most chilled out people i would ever like to meet.
It’s true what he’s saying regarding uncertainty. Who know’s what the future may bring. But that:s the problem for me. Any time i try to think rationally about the possibilty of happiness comimg..just can’t see it. What scares me, is nothing ever being enough. What if something genuinely good comes in to my life but i’m too fucked up to see it now?
If such a thing had happened when i was younger, then i would think , maybe the chance to reverse my sadness and problems could have potentially happened.
I know im being pessemistic, but that’s all i have now i think.
Thankyou for your kind words Randall. i will think on this though.
That ‘zen master’ sounds like a spiritual infant. I conversed with a Buddhist priest who, in response to my complex question of purpose in an undefined existence, regurgitated the same “shit happens” attitude. I thanked him for his time and sat by myself in the hall where I happened to meet a lowly janitor who answered my question with startling acumen. The zen and the buddhists and the Hindus will always get the answer wrong because those disciplines are obsessed with the ‘self’. Self-awareness, self-enlightenment, self-purification. But the universe as a whole doesn’t give two shits about anyone’s ‘self’. The universe is a collective, and as long as poeople keep wondering “what’s in it for me?” there will always be misery and frustration. But if we drop our obsession with the self and instead imagine the universe as one huge body that we are all trying to guide, then we realize the importance of our acts and contributions no matter how little reward, material or spiritual, that we reap for our troubles. The meaning of life? Push with all your might and do everything you can to correct the course of this barge. We are sailors on a ship in perilous waters. No time for demanding higher pay, no time to run off to your bunk and meditate or jerk off. This is essentially what the janitor told me, and if I had my say, he would be addressing the disciples while the self proclaimed Buddhist master would be pushing the broom.
space between
I have never studied, nor really subscribed to any particalar philosophy in this life. For me, it was always one and the same. There is no answers, just as there is no correct / imcorrect way to choose to lead your life.
I like your janitors philosophy, it is admirable to me. But you need a huge amount of willpower to even lead your life by such a code.
When life has kicked you down again and again..then when is it quitting time? never?
So instead of 30 odd years of torture, i could do say 70/ 80 years? Because that is the right thing to do according to the janitor?
I don’t have that inner strength. Good luck to anyone who can take that punishment and still be ready to fight morning after morning.
I respect what your saying, space between, but to me that view on life is just another one to add to all the other different ‘correct ways’ to live your life.
Thankyou for your comment mate.
midian monster, I actually agree with you. I figure we can either live to benefit the universe, or we should kill ourselves. I’m still not sure how I’ll end up. But like the guy in the scene, I don’t like the idea of accepting the crap just for the sake of living. It sounds like that’s what the zen guy was saying… Either you die now, or you go through a bunch of stuff and die later, he says. I think that’s sort of a cop out. I think the choice is either you die now (suicide), or you fight to make a difference in the world. The guy in the clip seems to be saying the world is hopeless, and maybe it is. But there’s a 2nd possibility, that all the shit can be changed if we try real hard. Either way I think the idea is “Do something.” Living 70/80 years of torture or with all the artificial crap the clip mentions, that’s not the way to live. I guess I’ll keep trying to make a difference in the world, in my small way, until I lose faith in the world completely and then I’ll kill myself. Maybe you’re already at the point of losing faith and killing yourself… that would be sad but at least it makes more sense than continuing the torture for no good reason.
space between
I appreciate people like you that do their hardest to make a difference in this world. Fuck, i know if everyone was like me, the world would be a darker place indeed.
All those unsung heroes like nurses and firefighters for example. Where would we be if they decided enough was enough? Well i believe you know the answer already.
The thing that made me so cynical was, the more i learned of this world, the more i realise it has always been an unpleasant place to say the least. The child in me wants to believe that we can solve not only our own differences, but build a better future at the same time.
Looking around at this world, even without the media spin pushing an agenda, do you think it’s possible?
I can’t see it personally.
All i see is a sinking ship tbh.
“All i see is a sinking ship tbh.”
Yeah, I’m starting to see that too. When I was younger I was a lot more optimistic and that’s what I’m trying to hold on to, but after a while you start realizing it was just naïveté. Who knows, maybe that’s part of the grand scheme. We are born optimistic and delusional so we can be productive, and then when we’re older and weaker mentally and physically we realize our life is pointless so we die and make room for the next generation. The big question is, are we making any progress? That’s hard to know. There have been some improvements, but there have also been damages. I think we’re stuck in a loop. I keep waiting for some indication that the world is getting better but there’s nothing. Funny the other night I was watching a Star Trek movie (first contact) and they said the human race was basically screwed in the 21st century but they would eventually make first contact with an alien race and realize they weren’t alone in the universe, and that would give everyone’s life meaning and the whole planet would unite. That would be great, but for now it’s just a stupid sci-fi movie, fantasy & faith all we got to keep us going. Not very convincing.
space between
I wanted to answer yesterday, but my brain couldn’t formulate a correct response. My mind goes into overdrive considering aliens , first contact and intergalactic warfare.
When i think of ‘first contact’ i think of Reagan’s speech about a united earth against an extra terrestrial threat..
It’s kinda sad, but i’d love to see that moment irl
Gotta be a better option imo, than nukes flying around i guess.
Fuck that was depressing! Surprised all of that was in a movie. He’s right though, when you “Choose life”, you choose all the bullshit that comes with it. I guess it boils down to every one dies anyway, but I’d still rather take myself out instead of ending up on the street or mental institution or nursing home.
bnb30
lol sorry. I just felt it spoke volumes of truth (of the non sugar coated variety).
I feel the same way as you in regarding ‘taking yourself out’
Maybe that is the only real choice that we can truly have /decide for ourselves in this game?
Yeah, a lot of things are out of our control, but we can at least decide when to go. I care less and less about many things. I wish my time would come soon. Just have to make sure it doesn’t fail.
bnb30
i saw your ‘amazon’ post and was intrigued to say the least. Is there a roundabout way you could point me in the right direction please?
You know, this week was going to be it for me no shit.
For the past 2 weeks, i can honestly say i have been lower than i have ever been in my entire life. So much so, i did my research and found a way (beautifully simple) that i was actually comfortable to go through with.
This, when i had this revelation, brought me peace. For some reason, having an option and a plan, managed to alleviate a good amount of pressure that has built up for a while.
I too care less for many things i once held dear. For a guy who went from online gaming sessions of 6 hours plus, to a bored out of my brain in 20 mins gamer….well. The distractions aren’t working any more. In fact, i realised that anything i do now is a distraction. Sure , i can pick up a new hobby if i really wanted to but i know deep down it’s just a distraction. Thats it.
I would love to be proved wrong and find some sort of meaning in a new emdeavour, but i remain highly sceptical that such a thing exists for me.
That makes me incredibly sad because I really like you. As far as Amazon, let’s just say you buy some strong poppy seeds because you want to bake muffins. You have to look into the rest.
bnb30
Thankyou and back at you.
That info is all i need mate. Will look into it further.
Hm, I must’ve had a post with “Choose Death” or similar wording as a title post. If not, there ought to be one! I’ve got no nuggets of wisdom to make anyone else feel better, only words reflecting the realism of life, that life is shite.
and that we are unfortunate enough to be born into the life we have.
Well crap, I had typed this long, nicely written paragraph or two, only for my finger to slip, press the wrong button, and the whole page closed. ARRRRGHHH. And I can’t remember the words I typed. Double ARGH.
Hm, well I suppose this in a sense symbolizes my life- I try so hard, put so much thought and energy into something, and then poof*- everything done was for naught in the end. Story of my life…
That’s the one thing that does my head in as well. There’s no reason i can see why a post sometimes fails on this site. After it happened to me a couple of times, i got into the habbit of copying my text before it posted. But it actually made no difference when it came to reposting the same content. It still failed even after i logged out / cleared cache and tried to repost. Happened even on the most innocent of posts as well….
I appreciate you trying though eternal.
Nah it happens on other sites too. My fingers somehow press the magic buttons that close a page -_-‘. Btw, have you checked out the other 2 “Carla” videos? They’re a hoot.
Not yet mate. but i will do 🙂
I must see this, though lately I get overwhelmed from almost any film or book or whatever that’s about people…
I might be going crazy on the fast lane.
So yeah, my understanding of the Scottish accent has evolved significantly since I’ve seen the first part. (not from the UK or an English speaking country)
Anyway, I might only be able to watch infant cartoons…at this level of anxiety
brw
It must be bloody horrible to feel like that. I’m sorry to hear you are suffering like this. On a lighter note, when i used to work with some nice Polish people in some warehouse work, they used to make me laugh, cause they understood the Scot’s better than me. I think a small part of it was because both they and the Scot’s used to roll their ‘r’s. Obviously more to it than that, but it did make me chuckle.
By the way you post brw, i wouldn’t have suspected you as not being from a non English speaking Country.
Yeah, I worked for four years with Scottish people. None of them from Glasgow though, so, might still need subtitles 🙂
On a heavier note, been thinking that maybe movies and books give me anxiety also because something like the facebook effect. Life seems to happen there, in contrast with mine, which is not. Which is stuck and not moving. In films there is action, otherwise it wouldn’t be film.
I can understand how you feel, like other people are living life.
For several reasons, i have been unemployed for a little while. This is really starting to take it’s toll on me. Not just in regards to anxiety. I think being alone so much is really starting to cause serious problems with my brain. Like now, i am really struggling to reply to this one comment. Sometimes, it just flows, but more and more recently, i have noticed that what i’m writing is not even what i really mean.
I know people will say ‘lay off the drugs’ and i agree somewhat. But i think the lack of having proper face to face conversations is causing some cognitive problems / failure.
You know how prisoners are portrayed when they are kept in solitary confinement for so long, they start going a little bit mad?
I genuinely think i’m starting to feel the effects of that and that also scares me a bit.
Fuck , this was very difficult to type.
Now i’m getting pissed off cause i want to talk about your problems, but i’ve just wrote a wall of text about my own shit. Sorry brw.
Hey, at least you’re not talking to the ducks anymore… You’re now typing to phantoms on the internet. Now, if the ducks start talking back to you… 😛
But seriously though, if that’s the case, maybe go out more, have some more human interaction? I say this as I hibernate and stay away from humans… But my case is different. My personal experiences have taught me that most humans (not all) are evil and terrible people. I stay in to protect myself from their evil clutches and manipulations and backstabbing and usery. But yes, lack of human interaction, or mental stimulation from staying home isolated and not doing productive things will lead to a mental and psychological decline.
Although…if you manage to decipher the language of the ducks whilst not going mad, you shall live life in infamy as the duck whisperer…
Hey Mid, it’s okay, what you’ve described are my problems too, actually. I can really relate to mot of this, maybe also because I’ve myself been unemployed for a while and sort of isolated myself from everyone and everything. This isolation though has been going on all my life in a way, I think, I’ve always been more in my head than with other people.
Though when I’m with others I lose myself and don’t know who I am.
I can also relatw to not feeling able to reply, and feeling like not writing what I mean. Like the meaning is so slippery that it disappears from the words once they get written down.
That’s maybe because everything is meaningless in the end. And not in the depressive way, but in the, “this is life” way.
I seem to be unable to believe any meaning anymore. But it’s impossible to live without meaning? Or is it? Some so called spiritually enlightened people might say it’s not.
Okay, went off on a philosofical tangent, sorry.
Being alone for long does change the mind I think. Maybe in some cases when you use that time to meditate and go deeper, it can get to some realisations, it can have healing effects. In my case it’s started like that but now it’s chaos…
@ eternal
I think that would make a good movie. A cross between ‘fly away home’ and ‘ the horse whisperer’
A sweeping epic of one mans journey into madness and his salvation at the hands of a group of ducks that he has befriended at the local park.
Title: Quackers: monsters and ducks – 2017 , Directed by : Michael Mann.
@brw
Go off on any tangent you want mate. I appreciate all you have said. I too have had a lifetime of isolation. Some self imposed, some not. When the time comes, me and my ‘Duck Army’ will come rescue you in Europe. Keep watching the sky for a sign…You’ll know when you see it.