Seriously, they hate each other so much that they can’t stand being in the same room together. Me and I know my brother is screwed up from witnessing this bad marriage. They both always put us down. It was always about them showing how they could get us to behave or negging us until they got what they wanted. Control Control Control
My dad is so into himself, and deep down inside I resent my mom. She created this co-dependent relationship. I’m forced to love her because if I don’t then I’m a bad person. Maybe I don’t hate her as person, but she sucks as a parent and she picked a man with a family history of pathetic DNA.
I hope me or my brother never reproduce and spread these disgusting filthy genes. Guys, I don’t think I can live to be 30. Better make peace with God. Think we all should to make our transition better. Don’t want to live to be 26. Going to Church on Sunday and that’s it.
18 comments
i grew up too surrounded by bad marriages. i don’t understand why people stay with each other if they hate each other. makes no sense. you’ve got this 1 life, and you’re going to spend it with someone you hate? hm, makes sense. i feel your pain. living with someone you don’t like or vice versa is very tense and overbearing. but don’t throw in the towel. take it day by day, set some goals that will help you get to where you want to be. by the sounds of it, i’d start with getting an apartment or at least renting a room with friends/other relatives.
I’m at a loss of words… I’d love for SeeSmith commented here. He usually knows what to say, and he has great life experience
My parents couldn’t stand each other, too. Witnessing it screwed me up, too. Thoughts:
Growing my empathy allowed me to understand how screwed up they were. I learned to forgive them, slightly.
Confronting them about their behavior helped a tiny bit.
Getting older allowed some of the damage to heal.
Most importantly, not reproducing their behavior in my relationships did me the most good.
Lastly, forgiving myself for the flaws they implanted in me allowed me to get through some bad days. Blame your parents all you want if it eases your pain. But, never tell yourself that you can’t get better because of what they did. You can – you may have to try for years and years, you may fail 99 times out of 100 – but there is a way out.
“My Shitty Parents” is a popular topic for self-help books. Some of them are useful.
Thanks for replying
I hear when someone says my name in shadow.
Move out. Your parents’ marriage is their own business. When you aren’t living with them you won’t have to witness their arguments.
Also, you may think your parents dislike each other, but they probably do care about one another or they would have divorced by now. Arguing is a better sign than passive aggressive silence. Perhaps they just haven’t learned to apologise to one another, or have excessively high expectations of each other that has caused a build-up of resentment over time.
Whatever it is, you shouldn’t worry about it. They’re each living their own journey through life. They may be your parents, but that’s simply one of their roles. They are also fully independent adults who are responsible for figuring out their own shit.
I’d surmise there’s a reason she hasn’t moved out, wouldn’t you?
I actually agree with nep on this one.
I wonder why she hasn’t moved out already, though.
I believe she has said before that she wants to “drop out of society,” and by that apparently she meant that she doesn’t want to work and wants her parents to take care of her.
I completely understand when people live with their family because of insufficient funding, but when you COULD work and don’t want to, you honestly have no right to complain about the life of the people with whom you’re living, who have no obligation to take care of you if you are an able-bodied and reasonably sane adult.
This is THEIR life. Their life will continue without their adult children in their house. The adult children should either stay quiet about how their parents live, or move out and provide for themselves.
I’m just telling you what my attitude would be if I had kids.
Interesting concept, ‘rights’…
Well, it’s their house, and when someone is above the age of 18 and doesn’t need a guardian, then they have to understand that they are just a guest wherever they are, if they are not paying rent/if they haven’t purchased their own house, etc. So yeah, they can complain if they want to, but legally speaking the guest has no grounds to request that the house owners act in according to their wishes. (Same goes even when you’re paying a landlord for rent. You can’t force your landlord to get rid of neighbors you find annoying, if these neighbors are following the landlord’s rules and regulations.)
I was referring to philosophical and uniquely human concept of rights itself.
Also, it could be argued that her parents had no RIGHT to bring her into this world non-consensually, into a system with which she does not agree with and did not consent to be a part of, with people she did not choose to be related to.
I agree with that, but unfortunately humans can’t choose to be born (as far as I’m aware). If it were me, I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to be aborted either. Even if life might suck sometimes (or often), I’d rather know I had the chance to experience it.
I feel you. With my parents, it’s the other way round. My mother is volatile, and my father enables her by never standing up to her. He needs her to keep his life on track, I suppose. I don’t know, I’m guessing. I witnessed my share of awful arguments when I was growing up.
Regardless, I think you’re cool, and I hope you make it through. I would like to see more of your type in the world.
I will never have children, unless I become wealthy enough to support them without putting extra stress in my life. People in impoverished areas are popping out babies all the time, and I think that those parents need to really think about their decisions before bringing in another human being into this world. I get that having kids will bring more meaning into their lives, but thats selfish when you consider the fact that that child may have to suffer to live.
As great as life could be sometimes, I just don’t enjoy it enough, I didn’t ask to be born into this.
Re: Moving Out
Disfuctional as it is, this is probably the only support network she knows. Giving that up is pretty tough. I sure the hell didn’t move out of my mother’s house until she threw me out.
Generally speaking, society reinforces the idea that parents should be ethically responsible for the care of their children after the kids are 18. I think this is a good thing.
That being said, the more time you spend at your parent’s house, the more their craziness will affect you. This is why youthful discontent is a good thing – the overwhelming desire to get away from the old fogies is a great motivator to seek independence.