I have a desire – to have a real life…

instead of fake.

All keeps me from that-is inability to forget. All the small details, my head is full of rubbish;

I’ve decided to end my life this Friday (if I’ll be at home alone and have an opportunity), I’ve already created a plan, did almost everything to prepare and fall asleep later.I had a another realistic nightmare about felling horrible.Something scared me there and I woke up.And when my thoughts started to rush into my head, most “important” information not to forget:what I was thinking when I was 12 and so on.I felt nervous tension with a headache, as usually.When I realized, if only I could be able to forget…all that rubbish information, almost everything…maybe I’d have no constant nervous tension.Life would be great, simple, but real.

I’ve a good memory-it is good, but I also am sick with inability to forget and it’s killing me.Don’t offer me drugs, I don’t need them.I just don’t know what to do with my brain and with my subconscious fear to forget.I both hate life and I love it…hardly, but…

Sereously, I’d like to end my life, but…I don’t know what happened to me, as I realized what’s up with me(I think so), I found such a hope…But it’s a small hope, hardly reachable…

I’m afraid sb will report me, people, don’t do this…I…am afraid of that it could destroy everything, my mom’d be angry about me and this only compulse me to kill myself.You better tell me what do you think.