Since the beginning of middle school (about seven years ago) I’ve had the worst circadian rythm. In fact… I can’t even dignify it by calling it a rythm. The word rythm implies that there is some sort of underlying pattern. So, for the purpose of this post, I will refer to it as my sleeping shedule When people ask about my sleeping schedule, I usually just tell them that I am an insomniac. Which is true… most of the time. I find it incredibly hard to get to sleep most nights. However, I don’t think that is the proper label. True most nights, I will get maybe two or three hours of sleep. And sometimes, when it gets bad, I’ll go days without any sleep at all (my record is four days). But other nights, I will fall asleep before I’ve even eaten dinner, and then continue to sleep well into the night of the following day. I tell my family and friends that these twenty-four hour sleep marathons are just my body’s way of compensating for the usual lack of sleep… I’ve even tried to convince myself of it, but that just isn’t the case. If I just had one day every week or so that I slept for twenty or more hours, then it might make sense, but sometimes there are weeks that will pass by where I sleep at least 15 hours out of the day’s 24.
To summarize, my sleep schedule’s totally fucked up. And it’s interfering with my life. I know a common symptom in depression is parasomnia, but I seem to be taking it to the extreme. Has anyone else ever experianced anything like this? Does anyone have any advice?
8 comments
Hey Ashley
Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you….i have had some hard blows to deal with in my personal life in the last few days…weeks really…lol…i offer this an an explanation and not as an excuse….
I definitely understand the sleep thing…ayup….not even always caused by the same thing…find it gets worse this time of year in particular….but weather is always a contributing factor in my sleep “patterns”…some think it’s mania and depression….but i don’t suffer from mania….just down and downer…lol…that being said….i appear to suffer from SAD on top of everything else…lol…Seasonal Affective Disorder…how about you?
I’m going to start a new post much later on today….currently in insomnia phase working to emotional exhaustion…lol….it will be called “The Land of Oz”…and I invite you to join me there whenever you like…sometimes all i have is time to check in some days…that way i won’t lose touch again….miss hearing from you
so might i also ask…lol…what was the bombshell your parents dropped?…long memory…sometimes…lol…..i also wanted to ask you about your conversation with God/Self…but that would be more appropriate for Oz…lol
where are you in your sleep pattern currently….moving towards too much or too little or not restful….do you have other symptoms which would lean towards something such as fibromyalgia…which is they believe caused from an interruption in the normal sleep rhythms….imo…our natural rhythms are already constantly being interrupted by our current environments…long story…lol…but then throw in some emotional intrigue…and jack’s your uncle….real big loops in the cycles…understand?…have a hard time explaining myself sometimes…lol
also would like to hear about your other 2 attempts and why not successful…lol…sorry…sponge…nosy old sponge…lol
but again til Oz
Namaste
Amakua
Hey Amakua,
Nice to hear from you again. Sorry to hear that life isn’t treating you so well.
I guess I’ve got what you’d call “self-diagnosed SAD” (lol. I always found that acronym to be extremely ironic)
I’d be happy to check out that upcoming post. 🙂 I’ll keep an eye out for it. It’s not like I have anything else to do during the day. 😛
About the bombshell…. I never knew (or to be more accurate- I was never told) that I had a family history of mental instabilty. Apparently my mother tried to kill herself when she was my age. And there were multiple “less-than-stable” criminals on my father’s side. I wasn’t angry or anything for not being told… It just came as sort of a shock.
Right now, I believe I’m inbetween the two extremes. I’m in the transition period between sleeping too much and getting almost no sleep at all.
I don’t have any other actual symptoms. Not from/for the sleeping issue anyways. I guess one contributing factor is pain. Due to certain conditions and past injuries, I have quite a lot of pain on a day to day basis. That definitely makes it more dificult to sleep, but it’s not the main cause.
My other two attempts were in middle school. They were both spur of the moment, and kind of half-assed. It was the same method as the last one… pills. But I didn’t know enough about what I was taking, or how long it would take. Both ended with brief stays at the hospital and worried looks from my parents and teachers. I actually can’t really remember most of the details (which is odd, considering how clearly I remember every last detail of my most recent attempt).
lol. Once again, don’t worry about all the questions. I think I said it before in another post, but I find talking like this incredibly therapeutic.
I’ll be sure to drop a line or two in Oz (love the name by the way),
~Ashley
Hey Ashley,
No worries here….it’s all just life and death….and lately the latter seems to be a constant companion…have been called bedside twice this week alone….enough!!!…lol…but it is truly an honour imo to be present at the passing of a soul…as much as being allowed to experience the birth of a new life…without having to do the actual work or labour yourself…lol…but am grieving none the less…just selfish…lol…one of them was a true HERO.
I loved the bombshell….would like to share my own version if i might…lol….like you can stop me now…lol….i have suffered from social anxiety, depression, abandonment issues and the like in my chidhood…always different…really different…and in a family of five kids…well sore thumb for sure…lol…didn’t even look like any of them….still don’t…but mom assures me they are all just rumours…hehehe…anyhoo…i had been dealing with major depression for about 8 years….seeking various therapies etc….my entire family thought and treated me as if i was nuts…and then of course the anxiety that caused the depression in the first place…lol…so during a family event which was held at my home….as usual…lol..i overhear my youngest brother and my mother talking and my brother is telling her that his doctor is reccomending drug therapy for the anxiety he is dealingwith…lol and the depressions…hehehe…and then i hear her tell him…..”Don’t worry Danny….you come by it honestly enough. As you well know your father drinks because he has issues with depression and avoidance…but what you don’t know is that in my early 20’s i went throught something similiar….one day i was walking to the corner store and halfway there I just froze…like the feeling of dread like i had forgotten to put my pants on before i left the house….and it got worsefrom there…but i took valium…it helped…”….Nice story…how come i never heard it…lol…remember I had been suffering my whole life and acutely for 8 years…maybe there’s some truth to the rumours surrounding my parentage…lol….they told me i was native …mixup in the hospital etc…my mother was aschool teacher on the local reservations…true story about meeting other possible father at nursery when born…etc…my mother assures me it’s justmy dad’s favourite drinking story…but then she forgot to tell me she was nuts too….lol
i guess we’re on the opposite sides of our patterns…nice that we could both meet in the middle….makes Oz even more necessary to stay in touch sometimes…lol…
and remember i can also relate to the pain issues…..have similiar or worse(only due to age and abuse) but can’t seem to remember is you ever told me the cause or origin of your conditon ie. congenital, trauma, accidental etc…i remember your sister Sara i believe, did not suffer the same fate…could you explain if you would?…
can also relate to your two other attempts….both myself and through the experience of raising a son much like me…lol…try that one if you think life is tough now…try raising a kid just like you…in essence raising yourself…but that is exactly what i have done….probably why it took me so long to even grow up this much.
anyway…gotta take my daughter to school now….catch up with you later I hope
Namaste
Amakua
Well, the origin of the condition/pain/whatever is kind of a bit of everything. I’ve got kind of a bum leg because of an injury after years of soccer. Five years and three surgeries later, the doctors say it’s fixed, but the constant pain would seem to indicate otherwise. I have spinal problems that are congenital (from my mother’s side). So far, that doesn’t cause too much pain, at least it’s not as constant as the pain in my leg. But supposedly it will get worse as I get older. And apparently, it will make it nearly impossible to have children (the old-fashioned way anyways). And then there’s the migraines. Not sure of the ultimate cause, but they are really debilitating and are probably one of the main causes of my sleeplessness.
No, my sister doesn’t seem to suffer from any of the things I do, be it physical or mental (neither does my older brother). I’m not sure why. I tend to think that they were just far more lucky than I ever was, or could wish to be. 😛
🙂 \
Talk t ya later. ,
~Ashley
sorry Ashley,
gonna try to get some sleep for a wee bit in a wee bit…lol…just wanted to mention in case i forgot later….see a chiropractor about the migraines….for real….remember i have chronice degenerative disc disease and multiple musco/skeletal issues caused from trauma, injury and osteo from my mom’s side….i have 12 vertebra involved…so i might just know what i’mtalking about…maybe…let me know what you think
Good Night…lol…till Oz
Amakua
I actually started seeing a chiropractor about four months ago. I go three times a week, and it has been helping, but even the doc there isn’t completely satisfied with my progress. My mom, who started going shortly after I did, keeps saying that she has almost no pain now. And while, my pain levels have definitely decreased, I’m still popping painkillers several times a day.
I hope you have a good sleep. 🙂
~Ashley
Acupuncture or qi-gong will help.
I’ve been thinking about trying acupunture, but what exactly is qi-gong?