I have no happiness anymore. I have no motivation. No attention to school. No reason to live. This is my lowest point, and I can’t feel better. I just absolutely lost the will. My mind is filled with thoughts on life and a constant need to figure out the meaning of life. I guess I need to be high in order to be normal and to function. My cousin Jasmine and I haven’t seen each other in a long while. I am still in love, but love isn’t the meaning of life so there goes my will, especially since she’s my cousin so I can’t do anything with her at all other than a hug that won’t budge or spark up any relationship at all.
I ordered up 4 hubby bars from my friend and it’s been 3 weeks since I last used weed. I’m thinking of going to a friends house and risking the drug test, pissing in a bottle beforehand and hiding it and then using that piss for the drug test after hanging out at my friends house. Therefore I can get high and be social and also recover and shit.
I spend hopeless hours doing what I do best, lounging around playing video games and watching netflix. Great lifestyle, right? Except it doesn’t feel great.
Right at this moment, I’m reading cannibal sex stories, and so far, I find them horrifying and nasty, but I’m going to keep reading until I find them pleasing, probably when I start going insane. Mental torture is a possible title for what I’m doing to myself. Though, it’s pretty creepy makes my limbs weak at reading it. But don’t worry, the next time I dream of the voices will be when I go crazy. I fear them, which makes me listen. No matter how unconfortable they make me feel.