So my friend is here. Thank god for that. She really helps me, just by being here and caring. I am so scared of tomorrow because I find out the edict of what my doctor is going to decide. I really don’t want to be locked up again, but you know that by now. I’ve decided to do whatever she says, though, even give her my writings, just as long as i get my say first. My mom is on to me. She found the broken glass. I am so sensitive. Everything makes me want to cut. Everything. My mom is so worried. I don’t know what to do. She expects me to get better day by day, but I don’t know how to do that for her.
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I’m glad your friend is there… and her company is helping you. Don’t be scared. You may not know all the answers… but you know enough to reach for assistance. By doing that, you’re taking a step in the right direction… day by day.
thanks distant.road. it really is refreshing. i am scared, but I know I can’t know buy doctor’s thoughts, so why worry, right? I wish I weren’t so sensitive. I couldn’t even get through a comedy without going to the bathroom and crying and cutting at the point when the leaves were all falling and he was dying. A Thousand Words. Don’t know if you’ve heard of it. Anyway, i just have to find a way to get a hold of myself and I always feel like I’ve lost my grip.
I know you’re scared… and it isn’t easy. Telling you not to worry wouldn’t be right. It is your body and your health… but I would tell you to have faith in the doctors… and give them the opportunity to help you.
A Thousand Words? I’ve heard of it… Eddie Murphy is in it, right? I haven’t seen it yet. Did you like it?
it’s really good. but there were two parts where i just couldn’t take it. one was when he was talking as much as he could in this mad state trying to make all the leaves fall and end it. and the other was when his mom said her son was all she lived for. by the second I was out of the theatre and into a stall sobbing with a razor to my skin. i have to learn how to control my impulses and my emotions. but i am so incredibly mixed up right now and depressed that I don’t know what to do with myself. I am totally vulnerable
Knowing what you want to learn is a big step… In your case, controlling impulses. That should help you because you already know it… and nobody will have to convince you of it. Keep doing what you’re doing… Seeing a movie, hanging with a friend, and working on the future.
do you think it is a good idea to show her the posts I put up? the writing i did? Not the responses, just the post. I’m worried she will take it the wrong way….or the right way. whichever is more frightening
Sure. The posts give insight into your thinking at the time. If she has questions, I’m sure she will ask you to explain. The posts provide a timeline and describe how you were feeling at a certain time. They may help you convey how you feel (and how you’ve been feeling).
you’re right…i should….my mom is so sure that this bump up in naltrexone is going to make everything okay. i’m just worried about letting her down tomorrow.
You won’t let anybody down. You’re doing the right thing… By taking care of yourself, you’re taking care of mom.
i know she wants the best for me. i just think sometimes her best and my best are different. but me not being here would be no one’s best. so i better try and take care of that. i think sara being here has helped me feel a little stronger
hi spark~ glad to hear from u today….i now no u r still with us… 🙂 n gald also that ur friend made it there for you…..some mothers are selfish, such as mine, what you see in her may just b exactly what u will ever get,fullfill only your own expectations as best u can… i support you spark, ur ok … 😉
thanks maibri. sorry if i scared you yesterday. god i scared myself. i hate it when i lose it like that. you and distant.road and duke and others have been so supportive and it means the world…and sometimes my life. i can’t believe i broke all that glass but i’m still here and still fighting.
I had to back waaaaaay the hell up!! first a sec at a time then 15 secs then 30, 1min,2,4,5,15,30 help me get thru this first hour n so on, then friggin backslide, i have picked myself up, brushed myself off, and moved on down the dusty road so many times , someone was talkin bout dirty hands the other day…yea, i get it.
I remember that poem when it was posted, maibri… and it was quite thought-provoking. Accidia had posted it. Part of it: “But now my hands are dirty with earth.” I won’t post the link to it because this comment will get delayed in posting… but she posted it on March 10th in a post with the “I’m Lost” title.
Jack Daniels is keeping me company these days.
spark~ only u know what to talk to ur mom about, she dosent have to understand ur feelings but she does need to respect them……<3
JD n Duke…hmmmmm … 😉
Dis~ yes its a dirty world…but we do have water! … 🙂 <3
Well JD is sweet so it goes down and doesn’t come back up.
I prefer Remy Martin. A bottle really blows my brains.