Although I am very depressed at the moment, most of my previous posts are just long rants about that so I decided that, for Easter, I would post a true, Easter-related, funny story. Perhaps it will make you laugh, perhaps it won’t, either way it’s just a silly story from a girl desperate to *cough* check out early.
PS (I am not religious, this may offend those that are for my ignorance within the story).
When I was a child most Primary schools in Britain were somehow religious, even my school, which was not stated as religious, was run by a Christian headmaster who encouraged us to pray and took us to Church on Easter, Christmas and Harvest.
I come from an athiest/agnostic family and so really didn’t understand a lot of what went on in the church services. This proved rather embarrasing during one school Easter church service when I was around seven or eight years old.
The vicar told the story of the Last Supper and asked for two child volunteers (another child and myself were chosen). I was asked to hold a piece of bread and the other child a goblet of wine.
I was nervous and whilst the vicar spoke about how Jesus Christ said “this bread is my body, this wine is my blood” the bread began to crumble in my shaking hands. Terrified the crumbs would fall all over the floor I did the only thing I could think of, I began to eat the crumbs.
Suddenly the vicar turned around and shouted, much to my shock, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP EATING JESUS!” The bread fell from my hands and I stumbled back. Oh my goodness, I was going to hell, for eating BREAD!
As you can imagine, I have not been able to show my face in that church again. Ever.
The End.
So, there you have it, a funny story (maybe) and I am still depressed, although feeling better today. My depression comes and goes, one minute I am adamant I need to kill myself, the next I am happy to watch cartoons and consider actually doing my university dissertation.
So my apologies if I sound flippant. Suicide is a horrible thing and tomorrow or even later today I may be struggling to see why I shouldn’t be jump off a bridge. So I shall embrace this moment of silliness and hope it can bring a smile to some of you even in these darkest of times.
10 comments
Symbolic cannibalism is at the heart of one of the largest religions in the world.
How quaint.
Funny story.
Thanks for sharing.
I lost it at stop eating. What a silly Vicar. It comes and goes but you stay. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Good luck on you dissertation. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You have quite the history.
I don’t think it’s unusual to feel that way. I’m not constantly depressed, and I never have been. I think that’s why my current doctor changed my diagnosis to Type II Bipolar disorder; you know, oscillating between “my life sucks” and whatever passes for normal.
porphyrous
p.s. Fantastic story!
For what it’s worth, eating the (consecrated) bread is actually more respectful then letting it fall to the ground. You did the right thing, and that vicar was silly.
I am religious, and I found this not the least little bit offensive 🙂
Omg im not even suppose to be online right now..Im only on to write an essay and Im about to fall over laughing at stop eating Jesus…Thank you!
I have one too
At that age I was a real trouble maker. Anyway, the whole class went on a school trip to Shrewsbury or somewhere like that; I can’t really remember now. On the coach there was this kid who kept annoying me so I punched him in the face. The teacher couldn’t really do anything about it because they couldn’t exactly through me out in the middle of nowhere. She scowled at me and said ‘gods going to punish you for that’. We arrived and I wondered off on my own onto some farm. I quickly became detached from the main group and was lost. So I decided to run as fast as I could. I ran over a cattle grid, got my foot caught and fell over face first breaking my nose. I was stuck for ages and blood was gushing everywhere. Eventually some farmer came and rescued me. Afterwards the teacher came up to me and said ‘god is watching us all, I hope you have learnt your lesson. Stupid cow.
@U.N.Owen, I must say, many elements of the Bible do make me pause in disbelief sometimes!
@Liger, thank you so much for your sweet comment, it made my day. I’m glad I could make you laugh!
@porphyrous, I’m glad you liked the story. I’m also glad you got the right diagnosis from your doctor, has it helped? I think it must be quite normal to fluctuate from good to bad, otherwise I suppose many of us wouldn’t be able to go on.
@abuse survivor, as a non-religious person, I’m always afraid of offending people, glad I didn’t!
@savemefrommyself97, so glad I gave you a laugh! (P.S, I know that feeling, I’m supposed to be writing an essay too!)
@Duke of Marmalade, ouch, you poor thing, that must have hurt so much! I must have come from a rougher inner-city school, people hardly ever got into trouble for punching other kids in the face. God is the source of all coincidences, HE KNOWS ALL. There’s a teacher like that at the school I work in, all “God is watching you and judging you” scares the heck out of some of the poor kids who think they’re going to hell because they are dealing with anger issues.
Depression really bites I’d rather be manic which is probably where I’m heading great story my best church story is from when I was in a mental hospital and two schitzophrenics were fighting over who was the real Jesus then one of them grabbed the wine off the priest and skilled it haha great stuff
Or one Easter they kept the crackers ones and let everyone else go for weekend leave we were taken outside for a supervised walk and one of the patients dropped her pants and crapped on the path which made me laugh so hard I almost wet myself..lol