Don’t tell me you know my sadness if you’ve never felt it. Don’t tell me you know the emptiness in my heart if you’ve ever seen it. Don’t tell me you know what I feel if you’ve never asked. Don’t try, just don’t even try. Because I have had enough of your lies, that you know me. That you care about me and are “There for me” Screw that. I know you better than that. I may not know EVERYTHING about you, but I know you well enough to know that you only care about your drugs and your beer. IF you really cared, you would get up off your lazy ass and help me. Don’t you see I am about to give up? Don’t you see that if you would sober up and stay clean, then maybe you would see my own flesh and blood was hurting me. Don’t you see this black eye I have? Guess who gave it to me?! Well I will give you a really good hint, hes part of our broken family. Maybe if both of you would just grow up I wouldn’t be depressed and suicidal. My question to you and to the world is, if there was a god would he care if I jumped…If I decided to hang myself…If I slit my wrists…Would he even care? Would god really love me…even if I don’t believe…or will I go to hell and burn…like you all say I will. Would he care if I lived or died? Or better yet, would you care..would you cry if I died…would you hold me to the very end..would you lend me a hand in my time of need…Of course not. You wouldn’t do that. To you, I am just a problem. Another mouth to feed. Another distraction. Well, fine. I wont be here much longer anyways. I wont take up too much more of your time. Why can’t you just see? All I ever wanted was to feel needed and loved. Well, screw your love now. I don’t want it anymore. You had years to make up for it. Now you have to deal with the consequences.
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3 comments
I’m really sorry but sometimes the one that yyou want love and attention from… you’re not going to get it. It’s not because of you, it’s their own failing. Their inability to open their eyes and stop being blinded by drugs and booze. you have to accept that the things that you need aren’t going to come from them – it’s called barking up the wrong tree. There’s a whole forest of other trees you can turn to. Please give it a try before you do anything drastic.
Yes god cares.
Yes god will cry.
No you won’t go to hell.
Your post makes me think that you need something from your family, your mother, that you’re not getting.
Everyone needs loving safe parents, if yours aren’t there for you because of addictions, it can be a very lonely painful world.
This pain, stuck inside you, can come out as cutting and suicidal thinking.
But you deserve so much more!
You are already the beautiful, smart, caring, person you are trying to become.
I have written five posts on here just for you, find them and read them, let me know what you think.
They are called;
the Voice
the Black Velvet Curtain
the Mentor
the Children of Earth
the Symptom Bearer
I sometimes wonder. What if I get to hell and they don’t want me there. So many people looking for someone to care about and so many people looking for someone to care yet we all end up here.