Still no hope.

Ive felt like killing myself for so long now. I thought I was fine for a little bit but what do ya know…. I’m back. I hate almost everything. No one answers or talks to me. My dad is all the time asking and saying hurtful things “you have any friends son?” “you gay or something?!” “when you gonna get a girl friend?” just things of the sort and it dosnt help at all. My brother used to call me adopted when I was little. I know he was kidding and just being how a lot of big brothers are. But I really wish I was adopted. It would make more since on why it seems I’m the only intelligent person here. My parents got a divorce when I was about 9 and I’m only 14. (I know a little young to have suicidial but I blame others) My mom finally made so many mistakes that I realized I didn’t want to associate with her at all. Well by doing that I dont talk to anyone on her side of the family anymore including my brother and it honestly seemed like he was the only one who cared about me. I recently met a girl who I really liked and I got the courage to ask her out so we’re going out now and I feel great about it but I don’t want to tell her about my actual emotions. She is probably the only person I’ve really cared about since my brother. She says she cares about me but having the past and the feeling I’ve had I’ve come to be paranoid. I wish I could get the courage to go ahead and kill myself.