I just walked to the chippy, by myself, by choice.
That’s a huge accomplishment for me.
Officially migrated into my room. The living room wasn’t as safe as I thought. Now my mom has a habit of opening the living room door and standing there demanding and critisising. 🙂
Oh well, my rooms good enough, don’t watch TV anymore anyway. I live on my laptop.
You bring me so low, and then you raise me 10 million miles into the sky, and then you let me fall. Fall back down harder and faster. It hurts, and I cant do it. Eventually, I’ll run when you try to raise me up. It only leads to more heartache.
Burnt myself again. Cryed.
Relapseing.
I don’t care. I want it all to end. Tired, so tired.
Ema Hathaway should still be signing out this year. I hope.
I still love you, it’s been almost two years, and I’ve never, ever stopped waiting. I think I should. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you, But I have to go. Waiting, it’s done nothing but hurt me. I need to move on now, I can’t look back.
I hope you never come online again, because when you do, it just makes me fall all over again.
Something feels wrong, something feels really, really wrong. I have urges, I just wanna fucking do it, I’m not even that sad, I just I feel fucking desperate, something snapped, I don’t know! Something really wrong, Fuck.
Two of my friends are supposed to come online tonight, it’ll be great. Except. I don’t think I can fake happiness on web cam. It’s so simple on chat, just a few smileys. But, I can’t.
Moms being her, “I don’t care, I can’t trust you blah blah blah”. I’ve not done anything wrong, I’m just, the one who gets the blame, the one who gets insults thrown at her, I can’t do anything right, nothing, not ever.
I’d be fine with this, if I didn’t have to go on web cam, and I can’t just not go on, it’ll hurt them. I don’t want them to […]
fucked up.
friend of mine said ew to a band I like, I said say that again, they said it again so I appeared offline as a joke, now they seem like I hurt them.
hah, my nature I guess.
I have a good home life, I have money, a home, my mom doesn’t beat me half to death every night. But, I’ve led a very sheltered life. I’ve never gone on a road trip, I’ve never camped out, I’ve never had a really great night that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. I know, I have long time to make those great nights, but, I’m fifteen, shouldn’t I already have something to remember?
I’m not special, I don’t know any instruments, sure I can draw alright, but that’s not something that I can just do right here right now.
I’ve talked people out […]
Does anyone remember a girl called Glamgirl, or something like that, she supposedly commited suicide by setting fire to her house, and putting a bullet to her head. Her ”brother” posted comments on her posts.
I swear, with every bone in my body, I just saw her on Omegle, same hair colour, same hair length, same hair style, saame face, same sun glasses she wore in the pictures she posted on here. It was HER, but she disconnected before I had a chance. I think she’s alive, I really do. Urgh, I’ve found the same people on Omegle before, I’ll do it again.
I find little hidden meanings in everything, I mean everything. I usually despise that I do that with every fibre of my being, thinking, it brings nothing but sorrow into my mind.
The scars on my shoulders are healing, when I put concealer on them, they’re barely noticeable, I even mustered up the confidence to go on Omegle, in a fucking tank top!
So my friends, my little meaning for this wonderful happening.
My scars are healing, and so am I!
Blame the effing SuicideProject.org for my wretched re-birth. ;D
I’ve been waiting two years for things to just ‘get better’, as everyone else seems to think and say it will, But I’m tired of waiting. I’m going to make this happen for myself.
These little delusions and little voices will die with my depression, I’m not letting this become schitziophenia. I’m not.
I’m going to get over my fears, everytime I flinch, I’m going to fucking hit myself. Associate being afraid with physical pain, and also, maybe if I hit myself hard enough, it’ll take my mind away from the thoughts and memories. If the self beatings won’t work, I’ll resite the two times table in […]
I vow.
I vow, that christmas, this year, I’ll be happy, and not the ‘chrisitmas spirit’ happy.
I mean happy.
Couldn’t I just; stop. Stop having to think. Maybe I could simply become a blank disk, only childlish giggles, and colourful things.
No thought, no worrys. A robotic institute within my own stereotypical mind, wrapped in a thick layer of semi-permiable armour. Wouldn’t that be devine.
I’ve calmed down alot, now that I kinda pointed a finger at the reason for my distant, almost schiziophrenic behaviour.
Lately I’ve been doing far to many risky, adrenaline filled things. I’ve gotten drunk twice in the past 4 days, me and some friends bought alcohol from someone in broad daylight, right next to a police station, I’ve broken into a caravan, got my belly button peirced, witnessed a fight (almost got hit myself), all within the space of five days. So I think I need to calm down, and stay in.
I’ve sorted my head out for now. xD which is brilliant, ever since I just […]
Had a freak out in Tescos today, things just, snapped. I don’t know. Hard to explain.
George won’t stop texting. Called me to, I just don’t want to talk to anyone.
Feel… Painful. I just, I feel sick, I want to cry, but I can’t. I’m scared for my sanity. I can’t, I’m to easily freaked out, things just, don’t work inside my head anymore, it’s like I can’t see clearly anymore, and sometimes, I think I can. I keep spaceing out, like, I was looking at the moon, and I just blanked, people tried to talk to me but I just wasnt; there. I was […]
I would have had a brilliant night, an amazing night actually. I’m a little drunk, and I WOULD have camped in an abandoned caravan tonight with Reece and Zoe if my bloomin’ mom hadn’t said ‘noo you didn’t tidy the living room’ yes I fucking did, but nooo, everything has to be bloody fucking perfect with you eh? fuck off. thanks for ruining ANOTHER night, fuck off you bloomin’ whore.
to you, yeah this is a pathetic post, but to me, I’m fed up of her. Fed up uf her ruining EVERYTHING for me, I hate her, I really do, some birthday this is going […]
Is it possible to be attracted to men, but somehow be a lezbian?
Let me go into more detail.
I think I’m bi, well, in all honesty I KNOW I am. I don’t think it’s one of those ‘experimentation’ stages, seeing as I’ve been attracted too girls from when I was like, 5 xD anyway, off topic. Due to past experiences, I can’t trust guys anymore, I hate giving them hugs, I hate when they stand next to me, and now, I freak out being alone with them. I just keep thinking they’re going to hurt me, and I don’t think I could ever date a guy.
I […]
So this is what it’s like to be confident?
Too bad I’m drunk. ^_______________^
A quote from today.
‘it’s because you don’t her out.’
You don’t understand Becca, you don’t understand how much I wish I had the guts to take the dog out. I hate being like this, I despise this part of me, the part of me that’s so god-damn afraid to walk out that door and face the world. I wish I could, but I can’t. Out there, I’m surrounded. Out there is everything I fear.
I’d choose wipeing up dog piss and picking up shit anyday than go out there.