Things are diffucult and im sorry that i hurt you bu ignoring you. I didnt want to upset you even nore than i have by sayong something inconsiderate or delusional. I never had an ounce of hate for you, i jusy had my guard up because borh of us were mentally impaired.
I keep hallucinating that random strangers are telling me that she killed herself. At work i swear i heard her on the intercom sobbing asking one of the managers to call her. Im losing my mind again. I finally have a decent paying job and ive been living somewhat responsibly but im so close to losing it all. It seems noone has time for me other than sending me stupid memes and videos. Its not like im using them as a therapist or anything like that. I try making myself available to hangout and do something but if it doesn’t have anything to do with […]
Who would of thought that id randomly apply for a job and actually get it. Not only am i doing great, ive had three managers pull me aside and tell me that they want to start training me to have a position equivalent to theirs. I actually made the steps to be legit and get my drivers license too. Im not sure if im manic or something (im schitzoaffective) but i dont want to sink into another depression.
Sharing events n my life and in retrospec i fucking hate myself. Pulling the curtains and i dont feel like i have redeeming qualities. Shes rght, im satan
I don’t want to be here anymore. My reality is broken.
I hope she’s holding herself together. I’m sorry and I forgive you as well.
One more word from her and I’m having that website subpoenaed and getting a restraining order. I quit my freaking job twice because she couldn’t refrain from “watching me”. It was a known issue among my managers and even they kept me in the loop when she would sneak into the store. I didn’t want to go this route and just move on but she’s got a line crossed and wants me to suffer for her delusions. She told people that I said to kill herself when in reality it was her that said that she doesn’t want to talk and wants me to kill […]
I mind my own damn business, I take my meds everyday, I don’t gossip about my neighbors. I smoke my hookah and decide to take a dip in my families new pool and I overheard the neighbor inside her house screaming that they are going to call the cops on me. I took a late night dip the other night and I heard that same woman accuse me of only going in my pool to spy on her. Seriously WTF! My parents won’t tell me whats going on because they don’t want me to have another episode but I heard my brother and father […]
I hope I die soon. I’m too ill to fulfill everything expected of me. Everyone hates me now because I’ve changed.
I just spent 15 minutes laying on my friends couch panicking thinking there was going to be a shooting at my friends neighbors house but it was just my friends son watching tv loudly in his room. PTSD trigger like crazy. I reached the mindstate where I accept I was losing control over anything happens and it was all going to end badly no matter if I injected myself in the situation. Good thing I didn’t because I would of looked real crazy If I ran outside screaming only for there to be no one outside. This freind is my only escape from my home […]
im on the midnight train to georgia
if my sister wasnt home id do it tonight. they’re going to hawaii next month and i hope to do it then. im a lost cause. im even more determined not to fail because im never going to allow myself to be hospitalized again. if i cant be happy even after trying to get help im not putting in any more effort. my family speaks about my problems behind my back but won’t even acknowledge my feelings, im losing my damn mind. i heard them saying something about her calling the cops on me and something happend where my dad was trying to convince my […]
so lost. maybe im just getting worse because i hide at home everyday. im pissed at the world because my cats missing and probably dead from this heat or someone shot him.i cant reach out to any of my friends because they are at their breaking point too. good wishes to EVERYONE