I keep hallucinating that random strangers are telling me that she killed herself. At work i swear i heard her on the intercom sobbing asking one of the managers to call her. Im losing my mind again. I finally have a decent paying job and ive been living somewhat responsibly but im so close to losing it all. It seems noone has time for me other than sending me stupid memes and videos. Its not like im using them as a therapist or anything like that. I try making myself available to hangout and do something but if it doesn’t have anything to do with smoking weed or drinking no one even gives a shit. At my new job everying acts like they cant keep up with me and i feel some sort of resentment because i act all casual about it but they dont understand how hard it is to even get myself showered everyday.
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I wish someone would come smoke weed with me again but at the same time I get what you mean. You want to feel more valued as a person and share hobbies, travel or conversations with someone? I hope you find better friends then and your hard work appreciated.
Also I kind of know what you mean re hallucinating random strangers but in a way. They sort of happen as very quick semi conscious dreams when I close my eyes.
I had a break once where I was hallucinating just like you’re saying. People would say things to me (or so I thought) but they were things they couldn’t know, and wouldn’t say.
It was terrifying, especially because of how long it took me to figure out what to do. Not that it’s a one size fits all solution for everyone, it’s what I have to offer. I started questioning everything I saw and heard. I would watch the people around me, see if they had heard what I had by watching their reactions.
I pretended to be deaf a fair amount, said things like “say that again”, because when I was looking for it I could find the artifacts of my mind in the hallucination. Like I’m the only person I know who can quote Beck’s Loser word for word on command. It occupies so much memory that if I start to hallucinate it has to creep in. Sometimes it’s sneaky, only a few words.
But I know if I hear another person say to me; “In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey”, I know I’m hearing things. I do the same thing with lucid dreams, look for cracks in the fantasy. I know at least that John Nash (of Beautiful Mind fame) did the same thing.
When someone says f a g in public… it’s interesting… because usually, someone just says it out loud, never directly… then someone else tries to “rescue” the moment and says “douchebag” … but here’s the thing. I can’t tell if anything’s being said in the first place. At that, either everyone’s calling me a douchebag and a f a g, or it’s a Karen being called a douche, lol
It’s so funny because everyone will do it passive aggressively like…. And I’m like ?
🙂