Strange people
In a red land
Trying to talk to me
If they can
Wire tears
At my throat
I’m stumbling
As I cross Their moat
Banging against the door
Bleeding out
How much more?
Slowly I rise
As I realize
Running away
Too far
My feet are raw
I’m gonna keep running
The cobbles break my toes
Their ambulance
It grabs me, breaks my nose
They don’t care
They have ensconced me in darkness
Chained, I metamorphose
Into a creature malignant and dyeing
Breaking free
And searching around
Bloody bones, prisoners abound
Indiscriminately I tear through
Not knowing or caring
Except about you
The […]
I glanced up at my alarm clock, the time was 1:13 am. It was time to go. I put my shoes on and got my jacket. I creeped slowly down the stairs and took an apple from the kitchen and put it into my pocket. Downstairs I pulled out the nail that holds the windows in place and crawled outside. It was a nice night, quite calm and the moon was bright but obscured by clouds. I walked up the side of the house that I lived in and started pissing behind a tree. I looked up the road a bit and admired how the […]
My psychologist says I’m having an existential crisis and have been my whole life pretty much. It’s strange coz I just laughed when she told me, I am numb; it wasn’t funny. I don’t care about my family anymore, I don’t care how my suicide would affect them; I just wanna die.
“Cow” by Sparklehorse, I’ve been cutting to this song for three years so it’s quite sad and trigger-ey for me. I remember this one time I was cutting, I accidently stabbed myself and it went about 4cm in. I find it funny that I can mess myself so bad and no one ever […]
Spitting fire
Pointed towards
The gloomy pyre
The festival is bright
Like your eyes
Remember the days?
I do
I’ll always remember you
Head bowed
I let a tear slip
Quickly it evaporates
But not before I pass on
It is clear
In my mind there is peace
In the sky
I see a man
He’s smiling but his eyes
Oh, to gaze into his eyes
They cry down sallow cheeks
The creases fill with salt
And drop into the ocean
Each night it slowly fills up
When I was small
Looking out onto the grassed terrace
Seeing his tears flow
I cried too
And realised
He was like me
Me and the Moon
We’re never alone
We cry together
Do you guys know?
Do you guys understand?
I think so, your’e all so nice. I love you all but it’s my time. I just had a very scary episode. My family is downstairs and they’re all going to try to kill me. This doesn’t even make sense, but I guess it proves that I am truly insane. I put my lucky dice near the door to stop them from coming in and it’s working. I have voices in my head, they tell me to kill people (mainly myself), they are Shirley and Danny. They’re so nice to me sometimes, everyone else is trying hurt […]
The trees are screaming
The baby’s bleeding
And you my love, you are crying
Why do you weep?
So sorrowful
All these secrets you do keep
But if we could only talk
Maybe it would help
I wanna make it okay for you
I don’t know how
When I see your face
I smile and I cry
Coz every time I see you
It’s been longer than the last
And then we leave without ever speaking
Cracks in the walls
Deep within darkened halls
Where is the light?
You left me long ago
Will I leap?
From this deathly height
Or will I go running?
In terrible fright
Can you keep what matters most?
Or do you rip
Hearts from throats?
Can I count you as a friend?
Or will you hound me
To the end?
Above the lofty heights
You see me and my broken wings
Am I going to jump again?
Will today be the day I finally fly?
Nay, never again will I
Today is the day that I die
Soaring free
I cannot sleep
I close my eyes
But I can still see the stars
In front of me In waves
Colours so pretty
Just like the memories
Of your face
Feathers float away
Down into the deep
The unforgiving grey
Shall I follow down?
Down into these depths
I can’t see
All I have are these
These painful memories
I feel so apathetic today and I don’t know why. Does smoking peppermint make you apathetic? I feel so completely unable to communicate or to even bother going out of my room or just doing most things in general. I haven’t taken my pills today and I probably won’t, could that be it?
I’ve had an okay life, better than some worse than others I guess. Thirteen years of confusion, pain, anxiety, love, depression, loneliness, among many other emotions. Even from the start though I never saw the point in living, my first thought of suicide at the age of four; they weren’t too serious though, I was just wondering I guess. After that I didn’t really think much about suicide for a few years (I’m pretty sure), the next time was probably just occasionally during grades 4, 5 and 6 when I was getting bullied by people at school and persistently beaten up by my brother when […]
Down the street
Dragging my feet
Until my soles
Look bloody and beat
Zooming past
No thought is given
I wander through
And search for the hidden
Firelight dancing
Catching me
Bringing me close
A light has been brought
The cleansing flame
To guide me down
Into the vacant state
Of my mind
Glaring at my dismissal
Unchecked we are free
Now go forth
I say hi
So do you
But that is all
That we ever do
I wanna do more
But I’m falling
Spiral-descending
Down to the floor
You say goodbye
I’ll just leave
Like the passing breeze
Though I wanna talk
All that comes out
Is a squawk
Cast across
This bitter ocean
Separated we are
And thusly maimed
Strangely you call
My forgotten name
Yet how long has it been?
Since the last
Tipsy the boat sailed
Crashing against rock
It fades away
Yet you appear
In my mind
You are so clear
You seem lonely
A shy smile
I’ll hang with you
Just for awhile
But then I have to go
It’s not something I wanna do
But you know me
And my anxieties
I gravitate towards you
It’s all I do
I can’t help it
And I don’t want to
I live for drugs and guitar, though that’s probably a really bad thing. All my friends always tell me off for my drug use but I don’t care, I love it. I used to live for other people but I somehow stopped caring about them as much as i did.
Hey (goodbye).
I’m kinda messed up right now, I’m feeling pretty bad though I could probably stop feeling this way; I just don’t want to. I’m not sure why but I kind of enjoy feeling sad, I guess in the same way that I like self-harm; maybe it’s the same thing. This probably isn’t healthy but I’m not, so it might be alright. I guess I’m just fucked, I hate myself and I think I might kill myself tomorrow not that it matters.
I’ll go to the student services room at school, sign off there, catch the train home and hang myself.
I’m sure it […]
I’m gonna fucking kill myself soon, I almost did today, but like all the other times I backed out because I’m a fucking failure and a coward. I’m sorry to everyone for having to know that I exist, but don’t worry because I’m going to be gone soon.
I fell through
Down into the blue
The tide’s taking me away
I know I can’t stay
It’s been nice to know you
But I have to go too
Don’t we all?
After we’ve had a fall
And I’ve fallen too low
So now you know
The extent of my sorrow
It’s longer than tomorrow
You’ll hear me cry
Forever till I die
Hanging loose
From a noose
On that day
I felt okay
The best in a while
I could even smile
But then you left
And I was bereft
I watched you go
You didn’t even slow
No explanation
Just pure damnation
All your hatred justified
All my pain and then I cried