anne33

so on sunday my mom and i had a fight and i relapsed after being clean for 70 days (cutting) fuck. ANYWAYS, now its tuesday and my physio was cupping my back because i was super tight. long story short she decided to cup my hip too?????? idk it was random but i PANICKED my cuts are there but i couldnt stop her.

so when she pulled over my shorts she froze and said “haha did you fall or something????” and i was like “yeah hahah” and my mom was like “what? when?” and i was like “when i was biking with ___ (my friend) a […]

the worst part of ocd??

to me, it isn’t my rituals and thoughts. its the way i live like its nothing to the world.

like im some lone kid who is misunderstood. listening to the jokes and shit people say..

“oh my god i need to wash my hands my ocd is so bad!!!”  because their hands got some dirt on them while cleaning a counter.

“i need to wash my truck later this week to cure my ocd hahaha”

“i colour coordinate my notes because im just an ocd person lmfao”

WHY? i hear these types of things every single fucking god damn day! alright, fair enough, maybe you do have […]

so, my dog died today.

all night last night i was restless, ended up knocking myself out with all of my allergy meds because they make me drowsy and i wanted to sleep asap.

i went about my day today and counted down the minutes and hours my dog had left, i cried when i woke up an hour early this morning to be with my dog, i cried when i said goodbye to her because i had to leave the house for school (and i made the decision not to be there when they put her down…. i feel guilty as hell for not being by […]

I don’t understand why life is so terrible? why do bad things happen to good people? i try my best, do everything i can to make everyone else happy, yet i always get thrown away and pushed down. i am always torn apart and broken and fucked up. I am always the one up at night crying while everyone else sleeps.

I was starting to feel better, oh man i really was. My suicidal thoughts were starting to go away for a while and every now and then, i found myself happy, and able to sleep….

but jokes on me, of course it didn’t last… it never does.

My […]

i keep asking for advice and i am sorry but i have no where else to go and no one else to ask. my best friend is starting to hate me because of this one situation i wont let go of. so this website is all i’ve got at the moment……

i’ve mentioned the guy who begged me for sexual photos of myself and whatnot in previous posts. but i have come to a conclusion that it could be considered harassment. every single time he talks to me, he begs for them. when i say “no” he guilts me, when i say “no” AGAIN, he gets […]

more often than not, i find myself excited to get home from wherever i am during the day, so i can be sad again, so i can show the pain i hide. I keep on a mask all day and act happy, and sure, sometimes i am happy! but i don’t even want to be…. Sadness is addictive and i experience withdrawal when i pretend to be happy. Being in my down state (i do have depression so) is like… a home. Im used to it, it is where i sit and where i function. being happy is uncomfortable and not even enjoyable anymore. When […]

IM SORRY THIS IS A LITTLE LONG BUT PLEASE I WANT TO KILL MYSELF I FEEL GUILTY BUT I DONT KNOW IF IM IN THE WRONG AND I LOVE HIM BUT HATE HIM AND I WANT TO DIE. HELP ME. please.

so there is a guy, who ive liked for a long time and he seems to sometimes like me but sometimes doesnt. He is on and off. if you read my previous post, he is the sam eperosn as Guy #1. So anyways, a few months ago he asked for a somewhat revealing photo of me, and my mind being delusional and me being in […]

if you mattered to someone then they would make an effort to make you feel wanted. if they cared about u then they would check up on you and make sure you were ok. they would try to see you and try to talk to you and try to make it clear that you are a priority, even when they are very busy. 

when you care about another person, if they are upset, no matter what, you will always find a chance to send them some care and love.

you need to realize that not everyone you care about, cares back.

and thats ok. 

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