so on sunday my mom and i had a fight and i relapsed after being clean for 70 days (cutting) fuck. ANYWAYS, now its tuesday and my physio was cupping my back because i was super tight. long story short she decided to cup my hip too?????? idk it was random but i PANICKED my cuts are there but i couldnt stop her.
so when she pulled over my shorts she froze and said “haha did you fall or something????” and i was like “yeah hahah” and my mom was like “what? when?” and i was like “when i was biking with ___ (my friend) a week ago i fell off in a gravel parking lot and i was wearing my favourite black shorts that are short so it scratched me when i fell on my side” (you know those fabric loose shorts that are pretty short and popular??? like they easily move around so they could move up when i fell. and the bike ride wasnt a lie and i DID fall a lot, just didnt injure myself that way…).
and they were kinda silent right and i laughed and said “dont snapchat and bike at the same time” and they laughed too.
AM I IN THE CLEAR?????? LIKE IT ISNT DEEP CUTS IT WAS DONE WITH A SAFETY PIN SO OBVIOUS IT WAS BLEEDING WHEN I CUT THEM BUT ITS NOT DEEP.
IM HAVING AN ANXIETY ATTACK.
ITS FINE RIGHT? IM HOME NOW THE APPOINTMENT ENDED ABOUT AN HOUR AGO AND MY MOM DIDNT MENTION IT IN THE CAR (i did pretend to be asleep lol)??? IM EMBARRASSED AND SCARED SOS PLEASE I NEED REASSURANCE SOMEONE HELP
worst fear just came FUCKING TRUE.
fuck.
9 comments
Wow, that had to be an uncomfortable moment!
oh it was haha
🙂
hey anne
I know I know
u’r probably bored of me always showing up on ur posts 🙂
I just can’t help it 😀
it’s okay love
I think with safety pins
Those cuts would never come close to alarming
So I think there’s no need to worry
but I do wish to ask you
do you feel it’s better if your mom doesn’t know?
if so, why?
Also,
Did u ever try telling her or hinting it before?
Finally
I’m still hoping we could talk
but either ways
big big hug to u & much much love
<3
i know her well and i know she wouldn’t take it very well either. she would freak out and stuff. i dont do it to die, i do it when im super upset as a release. and i have pretty much stopped, one relapse in 70 days… so i dont think she needs to know. i just hope my bike story was enough to fool my physiotherapist in case she emails my mom (my mom was there but idk im nervous).
yoyoyo cuckboi in the HOOOOOUUUSE
but I mean maybe it’d be for the best that your mom found out. I know she wouldn’t want to see you hurting yourself. I know no one else does. There are better ways to find releases and vent your feelings than hurting yourself and I’m sure you know that too. At least consider telling her, I’m sure she’d be a lot better if she heard it from you rather than finding out some other way.
I’ve been there . A while back, I had cuts on my leg and I was sitting with my leg on a chair and the bottom of my pants rose up and a guy in my class questioned me about it . I was so uncomfortable and even more surprised at how bold he was to actually ask me about it. Another time, I was at the gym with my sister and somehow she never noticed before but this day she saw the cuts on my arm and I stayed as calm as possible and made up some excuse about grabbing something and scratching my arm across something sharp. I don’t even know, but she let it go. Nowadays, as much as I desire doing it on my wrist, I stop myself. I too use safety clips, though I wish I still had my blade, and they can leave some pretty ugly scars … I hope that this time you are able to go even longer than 70 days. I believe in you <3
People tend to see only what they want to see. You’re good!
I love the way you are!! Stay strong and don’t give a fuck (I mean literally don’t give a fuck) about those who doesn’t gives you importance. Don’t be ashamed of your scars because when you rise and shine that scars will remind you the dark moments of your life. That you’ve been successful and made it till the end.
But I would definitely not let my physio (I don’t have) to pull my pants hahah lmao (kidding).
Maybe maybe not. Has your parents ever found out about your cutting?