annon111

I simply cannot string together my thoughts anymore. I know part of it is a lack of sleep but no matter what I think it all leads back in a circle to one thing: just die. I can’t think straight. It all keeps leading back. My feelings are so built up I feel like im going to explode.

I do this to myself.

I know me better than anybody else.

I know how to make me hurt.

It’s just me and myself.

My brain and I in a constant war.

You can’t win against someone who knows everything about you, who knows what to do and when to do it.

I’m so tired. Physically tired. Mentally tired. Emotionally tired. I don’t want to move, I don’t want the world around me to move either.

the rejected ones. the ones you were like “ehhhh is this just complaining to much or annoying? Does this actually have substance?”

idk

I just want to know if I’m the only one who rejects their own posts

tbh this might be one of them

the blue publish button is right there…

If you were suffocating, and the price of a breath of fresh air was just a little bit of blood, you would pay, wouldn’t you?

I’ve never taken antidepressants, but it seems there are many different reactions to them. I mean, obviously it works for some people or else it wouldn’t exist at all, right? But some people say it does nothing or just makes it worse. What does it actually feel like?

I hate how I can’t stop feeling like this. It wears me down. It builds up.

I just wish I could cry and let it out, but I can’t.

Other methods aren’t very good either.

Feeling trapped.

2 days I felt better than I have in over a year. But I know myself too well. This crash will be bad. I’m scared. Terrified of how bad I will get. But right now I feel good.

“Will this be the time that it sticks?”

No. I can’t let myself believe or hope. I stopped doing that a while ago. After enough crashes I learned. I always fall back down.

There are these rare times when I feel normal. Me feeling normal feels so good by comparison that I get like hyper and it’s euphoric for a half a day. I think to myself “maybe I’m done with it all now”. I don’t know why I fall for it every time. Maybe it’s because it feels so good, so real. Then reality smacks me and I fall back down to a place lower than where I started.

Iv’e seen people here that have been living like this for 5 years, 10 years, 15, 20… how do you do it? It’s been one year for me and I already feel completely crushed and near the point of breaking. How are you still here after all this time? What do you do? My brain can’t even imagine what it would be like to live like this for 5 years.

I wish me at my lowest could have a face to face conversation with me at my highest (which isn’t that good it’s just like average).  Because when I’m low like right now, it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore; living for those short, infrequent, average times. I wonder, who would win the argument? When I’m in either state being in the other seems so irrational and obviously how I am thinking at the time is the true right thing, if that makes sense. I can’t rationalize my other self.

how you can love someone else so much more than yourself. Because they don’t have your problems, they always know what to do, they’re perfect.

Their pain is your pain except it hurts so much more. Feeling helpless, wishing you could take their pain for them, because they don’t deserve it, but you do.

It’s almost funny how someone so familiar to feeling down doesn’t know how to help someone else when they feel sad.

This isn’t really suicide related sorry I’m just feeling curious.

Do you ever wonder how many people there are that don’t have an account or never say anything but come here to read and feel less alone?

Is it like 5x the number of people who say stuff? 10 times? What do you think? Again sorry I’m just wondering.

And if you are one of those people, hi. Yes i’m talking about u. <3

When I get those 30 minute periods once every two weeks or so where I feel normal, it feels so exhilarating just not to feel bad. “Why not end on a high note?”, my brain whispers to me.

I don’t push people away because I don’t like them or appreciate them. I push them away for the opposite reason. I do care about them and I don’t want them to have to put in the enormous effort of helping me. Not gonna lie, when someone not just says that they care about you, but truly shows it more through actions, it feels really good. But I care about you too much to let you waste your time and energy on me.

Hello. The tittle is pretty much my question. I’ve been to therapy and at first I was really uncomfortable but then finally started talking more recently. However, I really don’t see anything they can do. Like what’s the point? They can’t get rid of the feelings in me. Like does this help anyone? If so how?

Do you / would you live your life for someone else. What I mean is like you are done with life but others aren’t done with you, you’d seriously fuck up other people by leaving like that. If this was someone you cared about, would you put them above yourself and try your hardest to act fine and carry on so they would be fine or is it more of a “my life my decision” thing to you? (which I completely understand)?

I’ve never felt so mixed up. I’m happy but so crushingly sad. I’m nervous anxious disappointed but a little relieved. I feel sick like I want to throw up but at the same time feel warm inside. I don’t know what to do why am I so awkward? Anybody know what I mean to feel every emotion at once