anthropophobia

Recently, in the spirit of the 90’s, I’ve gone back and watched all of the great science fiction television that was pumped out during that period. wonderfully so, might I add. I’m genuine when I say I feel like most of the science fiction that was produced in the period were absolute genius.

I’ve been collecting as much media as I can in the last year or so, and television from the 80’s and 90’s has been a leading priority as I file through all of these shows, and eventually decide which titles to add to my collection.

I will give a brief list of […]

If anyone is interested in chatting with me, send me a message or something.

Comedy @ tutanota. co m

^that there is an address for the internet mail. It’s like real mail, but on the internet.

I have kept the majority of my posts on this website as a sort of legacy for my family. I post using this account to basically chronicle my struggles as time passes in my life, and in the back of my mind i guess I am writing primarily for an audience that is my family, so that perhaps they will be able to extract some idea of the condition of […]

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xk0AFKfDhk&w=560&h=315]

I can’t do it anymore. I’m more alone than I’ve ever been. My mom and dad moved away, out of my town. My mom, who moved several years ago, lives 1000 miles away. My dad, who moved last year, lives a 2 hour drive away. I’m not interested in seeing my dad, he’s a bad guy, just a complete asshole who looks to tear me down for no real reason other than his own insecurity.

I recently just visited my mom, for the first time in a year. I miss her so much, and she’s been the only friend I’ve had in years. I love […]

I was blocked out of logging in for a while, and I have absolutely no idea why! The gul’ danged website kept asking me to verify if I was a human, and it required me to perform a simple math problem, then it told me that I would subsequently have to log in again once I verified my humanity. Of course once I went back to log in again, I would have to verify my humanity again, which again required a log in. It was like a catch 22 log in error nightmare. However, I am now back baby! I finally managed to log back […]

I often times think back to a humiliation. A moment where my manhood was called into question, all spun out of control by misconception. It keeps me up at night sometimes that someone could be out in the world thinking about my inadequacy. It’s only one person, but can’t be unseen by the person.

A couple years ago I was in the ICU on life support for about 3 days. I had the full range of equipment strung from and inserted into every limb and orifice. When I woke they removed the respirator, but they were unable to remove all of the equipment because certain […]

So since you only have a couple weeks to go before you get a new shot at life in New Zealand. I thought I would congratulate you and bid you salutations. It’s not everyday a junky gets a second chance, oh wait, most of them get about ten. What I find funny about your situation is that you still think you’re above every junky drug user when in reality in the past 3 years drug use is the number one mitigating variable that makes your trip to New Zealand even more impossible. Some how though this time your drug use launched over an […]

I am attempting to turn my life around again, but it’s rather difficult when you perform a consistent routine of abuse to oneself. I feel sick because I know I only have a limited amount of time before I have to get back to work. If you’re curious as to the specific sort of abuse I put my body through, then guess, it’s the most stereotypical kinda abuse. Yes that’s correct, I am yet another deplorable drug addict struggling to hide an addiction, while maintaining some fraudulent life. I am currently on a long break from work, nothing to do with and kinda medical leave, […]

I’ve recently posted about a parting ways with a friend of 3 years. It was the result of one of my worst qualities. During times of turbulence and turmoil in my life I have a way of destructively alienating myself. Everything I read, every person I am close with, and the groups that surround me begin to cause a claustrophobia of sorts, and I start lashing out at everyone. This leaves my social life shredded and in tatters.

Since the blow up with my close friend, and what seemed like the end of our friendship, the person came back around. It seemed we reached […]

I called a suicide hotline on saturday. Frankly speaking, I’ve had really good luck with these hotlines before, I got patient operators willing to listen to me sort through all of my thoughts and fears contributing to the fact I want to kill myself. However the experience I had saturday turned me off to the hotlines, and I don’t feel like I will ever actually use them again.

I called in and began to highlight the things in my life that have pushed me back to being suicidal. The problem is, I need a lot of time to open up and reveal all of the facts. […]

Feeling so terribly restless, full of bitter inadequacy! I drift in and out of boredom watching netflix while staring at a video chat, and wondering if existing is really worth all of the inner turmoil. I feel like my mind is deteriorating. After any social interaction I feel hopelessly retarded, my social skills are starved of stimulation. I am lonely, yet I want to be alone at the same time. I want to numb my mind, but I also know that’s only asking for more hell in the long run.

Anyone wanna talk a bit?

It’s kind of hilarious because nearly all of the faqs encompass the behavior of the old chat crew that grew from this forum. Unfortunately now dead the chat population was previously a hive of activity. I suppose it’s all for the best as the people in those chat were full of negative vigor. However I can’t help but miss the old chat crew, was really an interesting group of mentally ill interacting on a visceral level, I could spend days analyzing the dynamic and complex personalities that used to frequent the chat.

Would anyone ever be interested in reviving something similar? It wouldn’t be nearly […]

I am getting that urge again, you know to improve my life. I really hate this urge because on some level I want to stay stagnant. Even worse, I find myself getting down on myself each time I don’t make the steps I dream up while fantasizing about the ideal way of living. I get this momentum while doing my mindless job at work and it builds this inner vigor that quickly simmers out the second I get home. I’ve got no balance, no discipline, and while I am making changes they aren’t coming quickly enough. Therapists and advisers of mine tell me, “take it […]

I realized that I can’t even wear a new hat without putting myself in other people’s shoes, without stressing about their reactions to my sudden (very stylish, might I add) change in casual head gear.

I had a week off for thanks giving, and during a visit to the Salvation Army I picked up one of those old 90’s ball caps with the plastic fitting mechanism in the back, branded with some forgotten tool company logo on the front. I really took a liking to it, wearing it forwards or backwards, either way, it looks pretty great on me, it really does. I enjoyed it […]

https://themoth.org/stories/data-mining-for-dates

^ A story about a guy who cheated life to get dates, extremely funny and pretty interesting.

This part is not totally finished in this picture I have more improvements I want to complete before I move on that head is roughly 60″ x 60″, it’s on the wall of my living room. This also isn’t the most up to date picture of it.

[img]http://i.imgur.com/5rYK4kE.jpg[/img]

This is a response to another person’s post, but honestly I felt like what I had to say would get overlooked, and I was curious what people might have to share about it. Honestly the question evoked a lot of thought, and it ended up kinda tangential so bear with me.

I kinda like that this question was asked because it took me a moment to think of what the fuck is getting me out of house lately.

What gets normal people out of the front door everyday? Every person is different, and I suppose it’s what gets your metaphorical hole wet. What really is a normal […]

Does anyone else find themselves shedding their clothes when taking an above average sized numero dos(#2)? Not attempting to be shocking or vulgar, but I’ve honestly done this since I was a kid. It’s like a misguided attempt to cope with intestinal turbulence or something..

but pushing that button is the only good thing you’ll ever do”

That gul danged iconic scene, too good I tells ya.