I haven’t written anything for a while. I guess because I was getting better. That’s the hardest part about living with depression, it can go away but it’ll keep on coming back, it really makes me want to just give up. Well, I really was getting better, my confidence was really increasing, I stared communicating a bit more, I even went out more. And just this past month it began to eat me up again. Just this month which is eight days I’ve collapse more than three times. I just break into tears and I feel as If I cannot be saved. I guess now […]
I cant take it anymore. I miss the old me..you know that happy one. That tiny with the actual happy smiles. The real smiles. Im so tired and i cant even find something i like anymore. i could say i want to get better. I’ve tried, many times. But the only time i feel happy is when im with one of my friends…well used to be friend. He helped me through everything. Yet, i pushed him away. He never gave up. ever. he probably still has hope for some reason im scared to be with him. My girlfriends wo i barely tell anything to has […]
Hello guys, its been about four months i think since i wrote anything. I guess because ive been writting on my journal (which is now burned). For abour a month now…or more, ive been more than depressed. I keep thinking its nothing. I mean im only 15, its normal to feel as if your world is falling apart, or any little thing bothers you because of the way we live or anything like that. Truth is, im getting tired of listening to all these thing. Telling myslf all this things is just huting me even more. Cause really its all fucking lies in my head. […]
i was just trying so hard to put my feeling into words. but nothing really came out, i guess im just not being honest with myself. not with anyone…i hate feelings. i hate thinking i could be with someone right now, i wonder how much emotional pain i’d put them through. but still sometimes i get this deep feelings for people, then the next minute i dont even feel a thing for them, maybe i really am bipolar. but right now i dont feel sad, nor angry at myself, i really am just not feeling anything. this month feels like its just floating.. i feel […]
I dont feel anything. I’m just done. I’m just empty. Filled wit shit un my mind. I’m like drowing myself in tears. Remembering a lot of things I could have ended long ago. People might not even read this but still I sit here with no fucking purpose in life. Why am I even fucking alive. Someone else could have my life and actually appreciate it. He/she would actually have people to appreciate his/her life. But instead I have it. I remember when I told my mom that maybe she would be happier if I was dead, what did she say? “if that’s your choice […]
I can really say i hurt myself more than before. For letting go of such an amzing person. He was everything. I was trully stupid for not appreciating him completely,he tried so hard, and i still let him fall…i can’t seem to find reasons in my head to understand why i’d let him go. Its hard just thinking a life without his touch..his words..his everything. It seems so imposible. But there’s not much i can do if we both decided its time. Time to let go of eachother. He got tired of waiting..we had the week to think but i guess it was too much […]
I saw it coming. I knew i’d do it. I woke up in tears. And then the day went by so slow. I cried for about three hours straight. Everyone left the house and i was alone. And not even one text. I took a shower, and in there i slowly passed the razor trough my wrist. I didnt feel anything but emtiness again. The cuts were deeper this time. I cut on top of each cut. They wouldnt stop bleeding. But one in particular was bleeding so hard. I wasnt scared,i just stared at it. Then it stopped.
Well im only 15, about to start 10th grade next months. To be honest feel like im about to start hell. Having to see the same faces i’ve seen for the past years. I really feel like giving up now. Im so worthless. Really. And im sure no one would really be hurt if i was gone. Most of my friends turned their back on me. Ive always been an insecure little shit. And today i realized im really a big hypocrate. A pathetic brat. im just so mad at myself…… I’ve always hurt the people around me, everyone really. Im sure there isnt even […]