birthright

things are also amazing and really suffocating at the same time. i am not nearly as suicidal now, sometimes the fleeting thought comes into my mind but its not as bad. i haven’t cut in a long time, maybe 3-6 months, or more. i have got someone that is amazing and i love unconditionally, and they love me as well,t i know the love is genuine and its there and its amazing and beautiful.i got a place in a specialist music college, i start in September.

things with the home situation still are not good, ,and worse in some ways. and within myself i still feel […]

feel drained, feel tired. i met with the therapist again yesterday, after three years of it not working i thought i was done but after family therapy finished i decided to have one more session to see if i was really done with therapy, turns out im not. i told her i only want like 3 sessions per subject i want to talk about, i dont want it to drag on again till i feel even more stuck.

one of the things i bought up was about unconditionla love, that i havent ever had that from family or parents the way most other people seemed to […]

its like promises have an expiry date, because people dont keep them. i feel so low but i dont know why, every time i come to write about my feelings, or what made me feel like this, it proves to be i have very little if anything to say.
i want to keep my earphones in, and maby the world will melt away, and then someday i can find that happy feeling. and maby if i concentrate hard enough the things that are torturing me can leave me. and maby the hidden memories can also fade

didnt think id make it this far. interesting  🙂

im not ok, and im not happy. things have ratteled me.

I cannot find any words to release my emotion or talk to someone. Suffocated , aching, heavy,hurt. Non words seem to be sufficient in desccribing this so war do i do?

..and wake up

open your eyes

and i garentee, yourll hate what you find.

i hate me so much right now

school today, already woke up late and i feel crap and im nervous and i dont want to go and being late will make it worse, im so paniced argh dont want to go 🙁

i put purple streaks in my hair, i like purple. sometimes i thinki cant change myself but i can change my hair, so if your feeling stuck why not dye/cut your hair? heres a picture…i dont think anyone can identify me from my chin right?

the walking dead

IT DOESNT MATTER NOW.

i have an interview. im nervous. anxiety of being judged just by stepping out the door. but theres two outcomes, i get it or i dont. if i get it its good if i dont then i dont. so itll be fine. but still..im nervouse!!

we fall and beg and cry then find someone, fall,beg,cry  then get up again, fall beg cry, over and over. but one day there will be someone that makes it worth it, something that makes the pain worth it, and the answers to your questions. it comes slowly and you have to run the cylcle many times but then  you fight and you make progress. im at that stage, iv  made progress but then i did the full run of the cycle again. and probably am still in it but the progress ive made has been through me, i dont have someone i rely on […]

sertraline- i stopped taking it for 3 days and i was very quickly back to how i felt during my worst. i thought i had made more progress but i now realise while some progress has been made, not as much as id like.  i realise sertraline drains me of any emotion, so i dont feel as suicidal or unhappy but i dont feel happy or anything, just numb. like on the weekend i was at the beach with my neices and nephews-i didnt feel anything. i dont feel love for my closest friends, which at one time i did, and its because i dont […]