cattygirl96

Hey suicide project, its been a while. Ofcourse i thought i was fine. But that was before the last 30 cuts. Please help me. My counsellor at school doesn’t help me. She says i’m not depressed, but thats because i was too scared to tell her about my cutting. To tell her i wanted to die. She says i just have alot of anxiety issues. And crying alot is nothing, its a daily thing now, i’ll get used to it.

And yeah, my best friend doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe hes just bored, or its all the cutting and crying and death notes. I don’t know, […]

I cut again tonight. worse than ever before. the blood dripped down my arm and i just looked at it. it was an accident i swear. i had no one to talk to, i dug the end of the razor into my skin i didn’t think it would rip skin. it never used to. i dragged it across and let go. then the blood trickled down my arm. i feel so lost. somebody shout at me, tell me i’m an idiot. please ?

I hear my mum downstairs talking about me. How im such a disappointment, and she doesn’t want anything to do with me. just like many other people, i will get mad at my mum when she reads personal stuff, or insults me in anyway. But like any pissed off person i told my friend i wish she would die, and i hated her. But i was pissed off, i really don’t hate her. She doesn’t want anything to do with me, and i’m so upset. I want to be part of this family. And all i can do is sit upstairs and cry because she […]

Fuck this life. I do seriously want no part of this right now. I want the happy times when we were hanging out at my house, hugging, being happy. Not fighting, not starting war, not cutting. I don’t want to be breathing fast, not knowing how much more of this I can take. I want to drown, and resuscitate when everything is perfect again. I don’t know why we can go from so happy, to not being able to keep stable. From happy to depressed, from ecstatic, to crying. Fuck this life, fuck how everything has to challenge us, fuck how people don’t […]

who knew you would turn out to be just what i need ? Yeah i suffer sometimes in this life, but i get so much good out of it in the end, ive been blind this whole year, not seeing that what i’m looking for in a friend, had been here the whole time ( lol song ). My problems seem to have paused for my best friends, since they gave me the most amazing day i’ve had in a long time. Then my long awaited hug, no matter how many times postponed or forgotten came, and i swear i’ve never felt anything better in […]

One a day is just not right. Wanting to watch it drip down my arm, but screaming at myself to stop is definitely not right. Cutting in the first place isn’t right. But what do you do ? No one will fully understand what you’re going through, and when you find those people there are always going to be complications. Like being scared they will leave, being even more scared they will give up hope on you, being mostly scared they will do something, because they care too much. So one by one the complications arise, typical of me to be so insecure. But i […]

1,2,3,4,5,18, how many times am i going to cut, before i realise that watching my blood seep out of my arm, doesn’t solve anything ? Yes, i tell myself, you shouldn’t do this! What is wrong with you ? You’ve never done anything like this before! But the scissors just keep coming back to haunt me. 18 times, 3 times in 2011. On my legs, on my arms, hidden so no one will ask questions. Its time to stop, but once i stop, i just start again. Whether it be a week or year later, its impossible for me to move on and never go […]

How do i ‘deal’ with it, if its all i can think about ? My best friends are pretty much what keeps me living, and my music of course. Anything sharp, makes me think of cutting. Whenever i go in the pool, i can’t help but think of drowning. My shower door, how it fogs up, reminds me of blood. So basically everything reminds me of dying.

Yes, i like the pain, which makes me weird, but its better than what i live through. No, i wasn’t raped or had family murdered, but i’m closed in. I can tell my friends everything, but whenever im around […]