Author

Esty Deekay

3 years later am here again!!

by Esty Deekay 6/12/2020

written by Esty Deekay

I wrote on this blog in 2017 and in 2018 and this is 2020 almost nothing has changed. I still hate my life and everything it entails.

I had a short adventure with a guy living in Cameroon and I got pregnant. He rejected the pregnancy and abandoned me to my own fate. I didn’t want to abort because that would just have been adding sin on another sin and that would have made me a coward like him cus running away is always the easier way out. I kept the baby knowing how much it would penalize me financially, emotionally and even professionally […]

6/12/2020 1 comment

I hate my father so much !!

by Esty Deekay 11/22/2018

written by Esty Deekay

All my life I grew up hating my Father but the irony is that I grew up to be exactly like him. It made me understand him better but also made me hate myself more. My father was(is) verbally and emotionally abusive. He always made me feel like I was not good enough. Kept comparing me to my brother although am a girl and younger than him. He once called me a prostitute, possessed etc just to name a few. I grew up scared of him.

I was in a boarding school for the most part of my adolescence and while people were excited for visiting […]

11/22/2018 5 comments

Lord please help me

by Esty Deekay 9/16/2018

written by Esty Deekay

The last time I was on this site was Dec 12th 2017, almost exactly 9 months ago. I wrote an article of how much i wanted to die. Nothing much has changed since then. The feeling is the same.

I now have a job but i only go because i have bills to pay and each day is a struggle for me to leave my bed in the morning. I have used up all my sick days at work and all my vacation days yet I still find excuses to miss work whenever I can just because it brings me no purpose and it doesn’t change […]

9/16/2018 3 comments

What are you doing Chloé?

by Esty Deekay 12/12/2017

written by Esty Deekay

Its 12.30pm on a Tuesday morning, people my age are at work or school doing something meaningful with their lives yet here am I: Lying on my bed with no intention to make today worth it. I don’ t even know how I found the strength to type this. I have a job interview in a couple of hours yet I am wondering if I should go. I feel like doing nothing. Nothing interests me anymore. I have lost my appetite, my eyes are swollen from crying everyday.

2017 was one hell of a year. I graduated from college, I turned 24, got my first car, […]

12/12/2017 7 comments