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I think in darkness we are able to snap out of the “routine world”. See life more than jobs, cars, shopping centers… We see humans. We see them going to work, going home, making plans, seeing friends, making mistakes, and moving on. We see their problems, and their worries. We see their goals and desires.

I have always though of life as a story you watch on TV. Even at times, I see myself like I was on the screen. I sit there, and I contemplate. Life is confusing, and the future is always uncertain. When is it going to end? What am I suppose to […]

Most of us come to this site to share our thoughts and feelings with regards to our life, especially those related to our struggles. Struggles that in many cases push us to consider suicide. Such struggles can be because of what we’ve done and/or what has happened to us.

I would like to take time to talk about close encounters with death. Many times, we could have died but did not. I remember two close experiences. One, I was walking as a pedestrian crossing a street. The small stick figure indicated that it was my turn to cross. I made my way moving from my sidewalk […]

Recently, I was drawn to search many times online, and speaking with God as a way to understand myself, and as a way to seek forgiveness and repentance for what I’ve done. I think most of us at any point in life do consider suicide as a way out. It seems straightforward, and quick. It also avoids us to confront our issues, our families, our friends, and many other thoughts that shape our existence.

Days and nights feel long. Darkness surrounds us squashing any sense of hope. I feel that. The worse is the shame, despair and anguish. The uncertainty of what another day brings to […]

I think despite the fact that my heart is healing. I am scared to confess what I’ve done to my family, and to look for forgiveness to the people I have hurt. I know it’s was right, and that I should do it regardless of the outcome. I’ve been praying for strength and wisdom almost every day. I hope that people understand. I am not perfect. I am flawed. I was selfish, but I don’t want to be that anymore. I want to live my life toward the good. It is a difficult objective, but I believe there’s enough hate and suffering already. I think […]

I feel as if my heart is slowly nursing back to health. I still feel despair and sadness, but I must be strong. I have to do what’s right. Every time, I think about it. I feel as if God is protecting me, and guiding me to do what’s right. We cannot simply ignore our mistakes, and what we did. We need to be truthful, and try to fix things. Fix things because it is what is right, not because of any gain or benefit to us, except our repentance.

Today, I confessed to a friend what I was going through. He was so supportive. I was impressed too. We prayed together. I felt better, and I feel that we as humans must try to not despair. Life is uncertain, sometimes you commit mistakes you regret deeply later and/or sometimes something bad happens to you, and you wonder why because you have been such a good person. You know it is all part of our role here in this world. I am slowly gaining strength.

I have decided to return to God. I have decided to tell my family how I feel. God know, and I’ve told him already. My current life is in jeopardy, but I must atone and try to make the good choices. I guess I should be glad that it’s not so bad yet, but I am not. I want my family to know how I feel.

I was born to a great family that deeply loves me. The love they have for me is immense, and it fills my heart with joy. I love you Dad, I love you Mom, I love you lil sis. I have such a bright future. School, University… I have always been very good at it. I am very good at it…. However, my private life became a source of gratification through hedonism. Slowly, I put myself into bigger risks forgetting the bigger picture. I didn’t care who I hurt as I went around searching for self gratification.  Until finally, a vengeful former “friend” decided to […]