So I finally did it… I finally somehow gathered the courage after almost 10 yrs of torture to make a dr appointment and attempt to somehow see if I’m “fixable”… I’m so afraid. I’m not sure if I have the courage to keep the appointment. My brain keeps spinning telling me thinks like “you’re not worth the help.” “You’re too far gone for anyone to save you” “you don’t deserve to be fixed” .. Then it’s like “maybe you should just say fuck it and try” so I think well maybe I should.. Then I think well maybe if I just answer their questions to […]
Tonight was the second time in less then a week that I’ve been told depression doesn’t exist and that we all have control of our minds and chose how we want to be… Were just soaking ourselves in tears and sadness because were too “lazy” to get out and try to be happy…………
Dear mind,
Dear mind, why do you present me with the same old questions I can never find an answer for ?…
Dear mind, why do you continuously spin and make me feel like this room of silence is a room full of sin?
Dear mind, why do you continue to play these scenes and make me hear all these foul things?
Dear mind, please let me escape just this one night, so maybe I can find some sort of fight??
****found the [edit] button sorry
One too many unanswered questions…nothing but a spinning waste land mind..
I’m beginning to think that sleep doesn’t exist… I don’t even know what it is anymore :\ someone…anyone…? Please just turn my mind off for me…..sighhhhh
Anybody out there?….. 🙁
Why do I feel so cold yet I don’t have a cold heart?! Why is it that I allow people to shove their happiness down my throat and don’t have the guts to just ignore them or say fuck off?!?! This sounds bad. It’s not that I don’t like when people are happy I’m happy for them but it’s one thing to talk about it and it’s another to know you’re actually shoving it in someone’s face to make them feel like complete shit!!! I get it already! I don’t need a daily reminder 42 times in a day everyday!!!!!!
AHHHHH!!! RAGE!!
Done… Sorry..
Just another slice at a slow soothing pace
Just another pill to drown that horrid face
Just another life, just another feast
I can not escape the ugly beast
It’s all reality, some say a thrilling ride
But there’s nothing thrilling about wanting to die…
Call me bleak
Call me blind
Call me weak
But you see I’ve been caught up in a daunting bind..
In this hole far to deep
80feet under I try to escape
Can’t escape a hole that never changes shape…
Is it wrong to resent the people who told the law enforcement and children services that I was lying about all the things my mothers boyfriend did to me… Even if they’re family?… I know it’s been yrs since it’s happened but with all my flashbacks I’m still trying to figure things out.. I’m so confused about everything.. I’ve been trying to make since of everything all day and I’m only spinning in circles. Sorry for ranting on…
http://youtu.be/U4RxilYhQP0
So while I know this post will be long and I’m not sure worth anyone’s time I’m warning in advance it may not be worth reading… I just decided I’ll tell everything even if it may all be stupid..
Ill start from the beginning. I’m 23.
Growing up my parents always argued between the yelling and hitting I always somehow found myself with headphones under my bed. At 10 the called it quits my mom had had enough. The day my father left is still pretty upsetting because I remember just how much he cried. Finally thing were getting better. So I thought… About 8 months down […]
I just wanted to say that with today being my first day on here I’m glad to know I’m not so alone in these feelings… I truly hope we can all find happiness!
I’m not so sure I understand much anymore…. All I know is I feel like it can’t get much colder than this… Can’t sleep, can’t eat, and I’m wondering how I’m even able to breathe… Someone please please tell me how to get out of this hell I’m in… Or maybe just how to stop the flashbacks?….anything…anyone :'(
No idea where to turn to anymore..
Everyday feels like I only am left to waste away more. Tired of people telling me “there’s so much to be thankful for” “think of the positives”.. Only how can I be so positive when the nightmares and flashbacks are a movie stuck on repeat. So vivid so clear.. The anger rushes over me and I quickly return to the blade . The one thing I know will never judge me. The one thing I know will never leave me or betray me. Suddenly feeling ashamed. Who am I?.. Where has all this gone. Why did I die the […]
Older Posts